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What a Load Of Pollocks Top Tentasticals

In a survey of a hundred people by pollsters What a Load Of Pollocks the results are astounding giving a fantastic insight to our collective psyche, prepare to be amazed as you agree they really are the top ten of top tens.

Top Ten Things Found In Your Pocket

  1. Lint
  2. Handkerchief
  3. Coins
  4. Small ponies
  5. Elaborately carved wooden violins played by mice in cassocks
  6. Cheese
  7. Used false teeth and pickled onions
  8. A suburb of Greece
  9. The Colosseum
  10. Twenty two French hens left from Christmas

Top Ten Items Found In Handbags

  1. Cats
  2. Hats
  3. Bats
  4. Lipstick, Chapstick, tweezers, mirror, mascara, blusher, eyeliner, tissues, plasters, puncture repair kit
  5. The lost mask of Quazacoati chief of the Incas circa 2842BC
  6. A voodoo doll of a man
  7. A ladder to help you get to the bottom of the bag
  8. Keys
  9. Strings
  10. Piano

Top Ten Best Holiday Destinations

  1. Moon
  2. Benidorm
  3. St Lucia
  4. Skegness
  5. Mablethorpe
  6. Blackpool
  7. Doncaster Tip
  8. Arthur Pembles backyard of fun in Skipton
  9. Chamber of solitude
  10. Tardis

Top Ten Things To Do Before You Die

  1. Kick a bucket
  2. Kick a prime minister
  3. Break wind through the letterbox of British Gas and shout ‘How’s that for a rebate’
  4. Drive on a road without potholes
  5. Find out what the fox says
  6. Get through a single day without thinking or saying ‘For flicks sake’ or similar
  7. Remember a password
  8. Forget that image you have of a naked Anne Widecombe riding a goat
  9. Just before you take you last breath gather everyone close and say ‘I hid the money in…’
  10. Halfway through a roller coaster ride take a few nuts and bolts from your pocket and turn to the strangers behind you and say ‘Found these, do you think they are important?’

Top Ten Game Shows Ever

  1. 3,2,1
  2. Celebrity Squares
  3. Give Us a Clue
  4. Crimewatch
  5. Bullseye
  6. 3,2,1
  7. That one with Bob somebody where they said ‘Can I have a ‘p’ please?’
  8. Countdown
  9. Bob Carolgees
  10. Golden Shot, bring it back please, I can suggest loads of new targets especially from reality shows, soaps, the pap charts and those off that show called ‘The Mouth’ or something.

Part one of two hundred part occasional series, tomorrow the top six illnesses and blisters only from What a Load Of Pollocks, feeding you Pollocks for the last ten years.

 

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