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Things I’m Not And Things I Don’t


Typical, bloody typical!

I’m not…

An artist that sends out random emails to people trying to get them to visit my house in Ontario that I don’t have.

Looking for an assistant to carry my easel during worldwide travels painting spotted pigs.

Have a significant portfolio of $10,000,000 to offer to strangers for safe keeping whilst asking for a $69 handling charge.

Called Mr Peter Mtembo Smith.


I don’t…

Talk ‘In dat kind of way, no Sir, I don’t’ when writing emails to strangers offering jobs.

Offer jobs fictitious or otherwise that require your address and social security number for identification as well as your inside leg and security passwords.

Buy artefacts or ‘antics’ from ancient cities.

Often get ‘my hands occupied’

Ahh… Now that’s all cleared up I feel a whole lot better!

What has prompted this little outburst you may ask? Well, it’s receiving lots of emails and twitter messages asking if I am the Peter Smith that has just offered them the job of a lifetime to be my personal assistant and to cater for my every whim. Apparently some person in a far off land has decided to use my name in a standard scam letter and sent it out here and there so even though there are many Peter Smith’s in this world ( some would say one too many with me!) it has prompted all the said correspondence. So, alas, no, I’m afraid, tis’ not me I have replied to them all trying to break it as gently as I can which apparently is not enough as only in my emails this morning did I get this…

“Scammer, scam, scam, s***ty scammer! You is dat scammers!!!!! **** you!!!! As*****!!!! Fu*****!!!!!! Di*!!!!!”

Apparently they were not happy finding out that I am not the Peter Smith in the scam email but seeing as they don’t have the real scammers email address they decided to vent my way. Oh hum, at least I learned a few choice words I can file for later use.

So a pretty useless blog today unless of course you are checking the internet for confirmation of the position to be my personal assistant in which case you may have found this blog incredibly useful.

If you have found it useful please enclose my reward in used bank notes from your country of origin and send them directly to me Mr Peter Mtimbo Smith and I will send in return your official personal assistant badge (post it note) emblazoned with your name as proof of employment and offer you all the ‘antics’ from ancient cities you can handle.

Yours dat sincerely god bless you.




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