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Roast Bees

Holes, lots and lots of holes appearing in my clothes, where do they come from I do not know but my pyjama bottoms have over the course of the last four weeks acquired eighteen of them. Moths you would expect to be the culprit but after using cedar wood repellant and even hiding the pyjama bottoms when I’m not wearing them the holes keep on coming.

It’s not unusual either, before this pair it was the turn of my pyjama tops, especially the left side to be holed but I finally think I have a link.

Bees, bluebottles, wasps and anything mosquito like, oh, and ants. That is a rough list of insects that like my flesh. I must be some kind of weird insect magnet because if I’m in the garden on a warm day and a bee decides to idly fly by it suddenly veers at me and crashes in to my head, wasps do the same, even butterfly’s have been known to give me aggro on warm days. Then there’s the bites, if I go out with an inch of flesh exposed in early mornings or god forbid at sunset when the midges and flying miniature biting creatures are around I get bit and when I get bit I really do get bit as the bites swell up to marble sized lumps.

So I can only assume that my body has some kind of insect attractant built into it much like some people have a mosquito repellent, either that or I’m very tasty indeed and the human equivelent of a wafer thin mint.

Only last year during a walk I brushed passed a tree on a woodland path wearing only a t-shirt. I looked down and shrieked, attached to my arm was a bloodsucking leech like creature drunk on my blood. I only found that out when in my panic I hit it and instead of removing itself gracefully it decided to explode and cover me in gore. Walking along in hiking boots with a rucksack and half a pint of blood sprayed up the side of my head and on my clothes caused passersby to faint and dogs to run away yelping. Insects and me don’t really get on you see so the onset of warm weather is the start of my battles.

Back to the pyjamas. I suppose my insect attracting scent rubs off on clothing and thus causes bitey things to munch away when I’m not looking but here’s the unusual thing, it only occurs on the left side of all the garments and always on the back, weird isn’t it? so in the interest of science I’m going to try a little experiment, I’m going to cut my pyjamas in half and leave them outside the studio on a warm day and monitor how many bees, wasps and other inerrant insects dive bomb them and really see if left really is lush for the little darlings.

I’ll keep you posted, but if my pyjamas really do attract them you can be assured they will be available on my online store as Pyjamaroma, a simple aromatic device containing a two inch square of fabric, simply place anywhere to attract a plethora of insects to your garden or pop it in people’s pockets and watch them get mercilessly dive bombed by bluebottles the list is endless. Only £1.99 from all major outlets.


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