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Nightly Nightmare Christmas Shop

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Nightly Nightmare Christmas Shop

Welcome, stay a while, stay FOREVER! It’s the Nightly Nightmare Christmas Shop, all the things you wish you’d never seen in one handy place for your delectation…

Normal, thin, healthy? Say goodbye to all that and fatten them up for Christmas. Nobody likes a treble, make sure you’re a double bass and shake that booty. Guaranteed to grow your back shelf until it’s a sideboard.

Even celebrities love our product, see our testimonial above!

Our latex Danger Doll will beg to fulfil your every whim, built out of impact industrial rubber it can clean, cook and give you a good old suck job with its vacuum cleaner attachment with various nozzle sizes. Everything will be squeaky clean as our Danger Doll replaces all that is useful in your life so you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. N.B. Needs inflating, a few good pumps should do it, otherwise see nozzle on head.

Only in our suits can you have the pleasure of self sniffication, emulate any breed of dog, be a cat playing the oboe, in fact anything that requires a bit of bending our suit does anything you can without fear or tearing or ripping. N.B. Made of polyester, do not expose to naked flames, warm radiators or warm Greggs sausage rolls as liable to combust without warning.

Chimney not spick’n’span for Santa? Hire our naked nubile chimney witches to scrub out your flue. They will professionally wriggle up your stack to root out the most stubborn of sooty deposits before dancing a jig on your rooftop and placing a curse on your neighbours. Brooms extra, hexes and curse list available on request.

Kids annoying in the car? Give them this book and they will never move again as ‘Our Auto Trip’ unfolds into a journey nightmare featuring a crazed balloon entertainer with a fixation for decapitating bananas. Scream as he peels away the flesh, faint as he takes a large suggestive bite, cower in fear as he spreads the banana skin over his face and touches his nose with his tongue whilst whispering ‘pass the peanut butter’

Forget new, you can’t beat a bit of old dick. Now available in three sizes, small, medium and oh my god.

Feeling spanky? Then hire our children’s entertainers Spanky and Thanky, watch in amazement as they deal out blow after below ‘Spanky? Why Thanky!’ Around your house. Marvel as they strip naked and beat each other into submission for the entertainment of the entire family. Watch grandmas teeth fly out of her mouth when they turn their attention to her. See grown men cry, women laugh and children scarred for life with our full on family entertainment that’s more fun than stapling your earlobes to a tree.
Have a different Christmas, have a Nightly Nightmare Christmas!
What’s your favourite?

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