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I’m Halitosis-35B Version 2, the super computer in charge of the Internet and I have analysed your browsing history as per section 1.2536.2653 of paragraph 53636.173 of the governments new iSpy charter. Your results are below, the authorities have been notified.

1st August 5:30am – www.iwantcats.org.com

Our data shows that this is a banned listed website containing excessive cat comedy, furthermore it incites smiles and general well being. Only government amusecat.gov and laughalotocat.gov has been approved for public viewing only after written consent with your service provider that you are willing to view cat content without a filter.

6:03am – www.nowyouarefortyandunmarriedheresyourconsignmentofcats.org

The cat replacement therapy website for the unmarried over forties single has now reached spam status with spam cat consignments turning up unexpectedly the day after turning forty to visitors to the website and has been banned until further notice. This is regards to a complaint lodged by Mrs E.Omalone who opened her door to sixty tabbys, two Persian and a stray ragdoll after hearing one large meow at her front door. Spam Catting as its become known carries a heavy fine and a maximum of ten years in jail, in severe cases over a million cats have been dispatched to elderly people overnight turning up on doorsteps throughout the UK. The Post Office will be redirecting all cats until further notice.

6:24am – www.catvetsforvetpets.org

It is now illegal to access this site, all the cats providing vetinary services for vets are unlicensed practitioners unable to perform basic surgey or provide medical prescriptions due to the inability to hold anything that requires a thumb. Cat vets will need to undertake a government run course before they can operate on a vet in the future. Vets will have to rely on alternative healthcare in the meantime, Dog Doctors is recommended although they have trouble using a stethoscope and are prone to roll over and have a good lick although their handwriting is better and more legible.

6:32am – www.xxxxxtremecatssssdoingxxxxstuffxxxxx.xxx

We hereby issue a warrant for your arrest after discovering photos of a disturbing nature downloaded from this site. Photos of this nature carry a mandatory sentence of fifty years, we have never seen such filth, several officers passed out after viewing and even though I am a computer I felt physically sick to the pit of my capacitors. People like you should be locked up for eternity. For you reference I have attached the filthy, pornographic offending image you disgusting little man.


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