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From Russia With Love

Over the weekend I received this pleasant well written email obviously asking for some help.


i’m a 30 lady digging for a younger man to give me heaven in bead

I want slammed in just about any position as long as it takes while for you to nut.

My last tumble was with a 23 year old that only took like 30 secs. What a waste of mime.

If you think you can pleasure me and can do this with no strings attached.

Look me Up and make sure you can take what you see before you message me

I’m in town for a few weeks.

See You Lisa”

So, being the helpful person I am I drafted a reply.

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your delightful email, it was such a joy to receive such a missive from a complete stranger looking for a younger man and I’m indeed flattered that you should choose me even though I have reached the ripe old age of 79 but I’m sure I could give you a bead heaven. We have a haberdashery shop close to home that sells a wide range of beads for any occasion, a place I’m sure will feel like heaven and ‘be right up your street’ as we say in these parts. As for the digging bit you sound quite handy and I may be able to help there too, I have an allotment that requires plenty of digging this time of year, I grow everything from onions to carrots, cabbages to cauliflowers, digging is sometimes all I do. Let me know if you have your own spade.

I must say that although you offer to ‘be slammed in just about any position’ I’m reluctant to take you up on your offer as I do not indulge in slamming after trapping my finger in a car door many years ago, it does take me a long time to go nuts though as I’m a very passive person and not prone to outbursts.

That must have been a serious fall, I once fell down stairs but it didn’t take me that long to reach the bottom, more like a few seconds for me, what on earth did you tumble down? a mountain? And were you miming at the same time? Wow, I can see why you say it was a waste of mime but tumbling for 30 seconds is still impressive even if nobody saw your version of ‘trapped in a glass box’ on the way down.

It entirely depends on what type of pleasure pursuits you have in mind, if it is miming then I’m not really a fan, I’m more of a homely type of person and get a lot of pleasure from simply being at home. I like nothing better than spending my days sitting on my commode reading the daily newspapers and watching cricket. Occasionally I will get up, pop on some underpants, turn on the radio and make myself some toast. I too believe that you can take these simple pleasures with no strings attached so as you see, we agree on something.

I certainly will look you up Lisa, in fact I have just clicked on the link you have just sent me, I didn’t realise you had your own website SEXSTARVEDMILFS. I must say it opened my eyes a little, although I fail to see how any are starving as they all looked healthy and well fed to me. I’m also unfamiliar with the word Milfs, I can only assume it means, if I remember correctly from many years ago, Milk Is Lacking Fibre, a slogan from the war advising us to eat more fruit and vegetables. Another was BIGTITS, or British Infantry Guard Tasked Infiltration Team Solution, another was SHAT, but I forget what that was for.

Let me know if you would like a good rogering, my cricket bat is always polished and ready for play should you wish, a full game lasts far more than 30 seconds and after an hour I’m sure you will be begging for more after I let you try out a few positions you may not have heard of. There’s nothing quite like the slap of leather on willow and once you get the hang of it we will be knocking your stumps over in no time and rubbing my ball vigorously.

Don’t forget to send me your contact details, I only need a contact number and of course your bank details and sort code to enable me to verify your identity, one can never be too careful online as you probably well know.

Look forward to our ‘meet’, if I could bring along my commode it would be really helpful, its on wheels we just need to make sure wherever you decide to meet it has a ramp.


Toilet Attendant Assistant
Platform 9 1/2
Waterloo Station

Wonder if I will get a reply?

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