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Diary Of A Wood Pigeon Pt 3

I’m fascinated by that black security thingy that Mr Smith keeps shouting at me about, it must be important or something but all it points at is the three long eared black hoppity things in the back garden that Mr Smith dotes over. I tried to find out what it is when I noticed a black string coming out of the back. Cyril said peck it but I wanted to see when it went. It took a while but eventually I managed to land on the window ledge where the wire went without falling off and looked in. All I could see was a square window showing Cyril on the back garden watching the hoppity things. How could I see Cyril in the house in the garden in the house? I almost fell off the ledge with surprise, just then Mr Smith entered the room and saw Cyril in the house in the garden on the square thingy and said some naughty words. I got so excited I wanted to ask him why Cyril was in the house in the garden in the house so pecked loudly on the window to get his attention.
He really should calm down, anybody would think I had pooped in his letterbox. He rushed to the window red faced and shouting, banging the glass. I however kept my dignity and just looked at him before falling off into his new plant pots from B&Q which scattered everywhere, it didn’t break them until I accidentally on purpose kicked one down the small step where it broke with a satisfying crunch. By now Mr Smith had rushed to the front door but I had already settled on a nearby aerial, Cyril joined me to watch him clear up the mess.
Bored. Had a fight with a squirrel in a conifer tree, he wasn’t happy, I think I may avoid that area for a while after I made him drop his nuts. Went for a shout with the magpies but Mr Smith appears to be out or ignoring us today so instead me and Cyril went to look at the camera thingy again to try and figure it out.
Cyril couldn’t care less, he just stood on top of it. ‘Twirl me!’ He shouted, ‘pull that wire and twirl me!’. It sounded like fun, Cyril is hilarious when he gets dizzy, he just walks around in circles flapping. Pulling the wire though didn’t twirl Cyril, instead it made the camera thingy go limp. Cyril slid off and suggested we had better keep our distance from it should Mr Smith return.

I went back to the window ledge to see if we had broke it but all I could see was no garden in the house but instead some horrid white plastic and some twigs. Very uninteresting.


OMG! Mr Smith has gone mental again! He came storming out into the garden trying to fly, flapping his arms. I said to Cyril, he’s so fat he’ll never get off the ground but Cyril thinks he was trying to scare something away. We both sat on the fence wondering what all the fuss was about until he approached us, I didn’t want to be around if he did fly and land on the fence, he would crush us both.

Mr Smith spent a long time in the garden today, up a ladder shouting and playing with his camera thing. I don’t know why, it’s not much fun is it? All you can see is a boring garden and hoppety things.

Mmm, maybe he likes to watch us said Cyril, I find that creepy, why on earth would he want to watch me take a wash in the bird bath the pervert. From now on I’ll keep my back to the house.


In case you were wondering, it’s all true and indeed, ongoing…


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