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Cold, Loo’s and Cheese

I have just read a few of last weeks blog entries back to myself only to realise the large amount of personal misery catalogued in a semi amusing fashion, although at the time it was far from grin worthy. This Easter I decided to do nothing, I say nothing but by that I mean take a break from painting and do something different.

Friday was spent painting. I tried, I really did but you know when something niggles at you, we’ll that’s what my latest Lost Impossimal painting was doing. So Friday ended up a day like the others, painting. A full nine hours until my eyes looked like pee holes in the snow and my hand started shaking as the drink wore off. That last comment was not true, I drank merrily all day until Jayne had to drag me out of the studio because I had passed out. Thats not true either, I was still perfectly capable of drinking.

Saturday and the alarm rang out at 5am. 5am?! Yes, 5am, Jayne had a Foreverbunny to get to at Elvaston Castle. So at that ungodly hour we dragged ourselves out of bed and got ready. All I can say is that it was like Crufts, I have never seen before or since an abundance of dog walkers in one place. At one point there was twelve Japanese Akitas, all with individual owners all gathered together, all very frisky. This was followed by a troup of beagles, all very surreal. Best of all was a French Bulldog with one blue eye and one brown, very quirky, very cute.

The day advanced, the cold bit as we were in a marquee and the -2 degrees took its toll. The visitors came and went and my bladder started to bulge. I had been holding off a little because the public facilities were not stunning, they consisted surprisingly of a selection of portaloos, not my favourite form of ablusions nor am I very good at choosing a good one. After humming and ahh-ing I selected one I though may have not had much abuse.

The last one I used of these had a joystick contraption at the side that you tugged and pushed to flush, this however was devoid of any buttons, sticks, handles or anything at all I could recognise as toilety apart from of course the bowl. How did it work, I was intrigued, there didn’t even seem to be a hole where a hole should be. Most peculiar. I felt the cabin rock and nearly fell as the cubicle next to me was entered by what I can only describe as something heavier than me. Not very sturdy I though to myself wondering what to do next.

‘Where’s the bloody handle?’ muttered next door, ‘how can I have a shut in here?’ They added (use your imagination). ‘Mavis!’, ‘Mavis! Look at this!’

Oh no, I though, not again, why oh why can I never ever do these type of things in piece without having to be witness to some surreal street theatre.

Mavis had obviously made their way over and now they both stood peering into the cabin.

‘I’m not having a shut on that Mavis, there’s no hole!’

‘There must be a hole, maybe you got a disabled one or something’

Words fail me but they carried on.

‘Try that one, see if that’s got a hole’

My cabin nearly got pulled over as my hole seeking friend decided to ignore the red bar on the handle and proceeded to tug at my cabin. You have no idea some of the words that went through my mind as yet again trapped in a toilet holding on to the sides as it rocked to the tune of ‘Mavis, this ones bloody stuck, give us a hand’

It’s a good job I shouted before Mavis got her hands on it, but why oh why do these people never say sorry, instead they just moved on to the next cabin, the last thing I heard was ‘This has got no hole either, what’s going on I’m busting for a shut!’

Anyway, apart from that the day passed without incident. I worked out the toilet actually worked and this is the disgusting bit, when it had a certain weight shall we say. At which point it tipped away from you then snapped back into place. Not very efficient and rather startling as it made a nice plastic slapping sound on its return flipping up a little bit of residue on the way back. Nice.

It was a hard cold day but fun at the same time, at least it didn’t snow. Then it snowed. No, really, it started to snow around twelve. Great. We returned home around 5:30pm, exhausted but happy to be warm.

Sunday, 6am which was still 5am because of the clock change and our second day at Elvaston Castle. This time nice and sunny all day, a little warmer and no snow. A nice way to spend Easter Sunday chatting to various Foreverbunny collectors along the way. I avoided the toilets, had a Kangaroo burger and wondered just why people at events like this always seem to want to buy a bag of cheese.

And so on to Monday, for the first time in oodles of years I did something I can’t remember ever doing since the age of eighteen. I stayed in bed and did nothing only to roll out around 11:30am, how shocking. So Easter Monday was spent mooching around the house doing nothing in particular and for once I loved it. No painting, no designing or creating, no website building and no thinking. Bliss.

That’s it for today, a simple blog, my mind is still chilled out from the weekend and I hope you all had a great Easter too. It all goes downhill tomorrow when I return to the studio and continue painting ‘Bloodline’, the return of the Lost Impossimals later this year.


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