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Grandad Gollum

Hello my preciousss, kill them, we hate them, we mustn’t hurt master! We mustn’t! I remembersss we were so poorisss thatsss we ussed to eatsies nothing butsis weetabixesss for every mealsiss. Have you everyiss tried to barbecueisss weetabixesss? The resultant fire destroyed a town full of nassty hobbitses.

Back in my daysis we were so poor thatsss we only had a ring for entertainmentiss until those nasty hobbitses tricked ussss, we hate hobbitses, We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false! The man who passess the sentancess should swing the swordsss…

Hang on Grandad Gollum, that’s my show and you’re talking to a King! Give my regards to the Night Watch for its time to use my sword on your mouth of deceit, by morning thou shalt have no hands to walk on and no feet to eat with.


Thou doth beseech my kingdom, when you play the game of thrones you win or die or lose something preciousness like this ring.

Thievess! It’s preciousss, give me back our ringsss! Kill them! No master! Ssss.

Excuse me Mr G.Ollum and Kingy but I think you will find it’s my ring. Allow me to FLIP PIGS introduce my self I am Sister MOTHERLOAFER Marion of the FRIPPING Order of Unsual Outbursts. We lost the CRANBERRY GIRAFFE ring during a SLOTTING PONTOON ceremony for a celebrity singer RUNCKLE REDSKIN songwriter last week.

Why here he is PLUCKINGTON SCREWBALL himself!

I’ll second that, allow me to introduce myself, I’m Marry Banilow and I confirm that the ring is Mandies and I Write The Songs that make the whole world sing. You can find me most nights performing at the Copacabana. Oh little ring I Can’t Smile Without You!

Ring? What ring? I have only just got up, what day is it?

‘What a crap planet’ said Flash, ‘Two million years of evolution and we have blogs of this quality, it’s shameful’

‘I couldn’t agree more Flash, say is that a can of air freshener you are holding?’

‘It certainly is captain, I’ll spray some and see if we can get rid of this crap blog shall I’

‘Go ahead Flash, spray it and stop this rubbish in it’s trac…


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