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Yellow Rages

Flop, plonk!

Another tome of dubious nature dropped on the doormat the other night and steadily released it’s contents of rain water onto our floor. I mean, who delivers the Yellow Pages on a stormy Monday night in almost horizontal rain at 9pm? Sigh.

The YELLOW PAGES! The Yellow Pages! the yellow pages, yawn…

Really, how does it survive in these days of the Internet, it even pleads quite naively on the front cover ‘Look Inside For Web Addresses It’s Like Google From The Pound Shop’ (I made that last bit up) Indeed it does give paying advertisers their web address just like it has always given phone numbers which leads me to think that maybe I could find them on the web anyway but then again, most businesses that advertise in the Yellow Pages seem to have some of the most obscure names.

‘Hello Bago’ was one selling furniture whilst Hair-B-Wigs was unfortunately lacking in originality if not spelling. No, the best thing about the Yellow Pages is playing it like a board game. It’s really easy, simply choose a category and see how many times it redirects you, the more redirects the bigger the score! Simple!

Lets start with Book Shops (this is the Chester And Mansfield Edition should you wish to play along).

Here we are -BOOK SHOPS on Page 27 it says Turn To Books – Rare And Second Hand Page 27. Not a good start is it, swiftly I turn to the exact same page and read on…

Books – Rare And Second Hand – See Antique Dealers Page 16

Page 16 (And I’m Not Making This Up) Antique Dealers – Other Options Books – Rare And Second Hand Page 27 or Jewellers Page 141

See, already I have racked up a few points, I can now turn back to Rare And Second Hand Page 27 or try and find books at Jewellers Page 141

I go with Jewellers Page 141 and find to my surprise Other Options Antique Dealers Page 16 it’s like Inception, its a book within a book within a book. Hope you are keeping up because my brain hurts.

But my overall best bit is right at the front on page 05 as they call it, a section called Looking Good, Feeling Great that contains handy tips like…

If you need treatment on your feet you need a CHIROPODIST who deals with feet. Who knew!

If you need beauty treatment then go to a BEAUTY SALON or HAIRDRESSERS. Ah! There’s where I have been going wrong, I will no longer get my haircut at the butchers.

Then, quite randomly is a piece of information that offers me no quality insights at all, its a small circle on the page that simply says ‘The worlds first celebrity hairdresser, who styled the tresses of the rich and famous in 17th century Paris’

WHO?

Which hairdresser?

Don’t leave me hanging with this titbit of information what is it a bloody quiz? Have you hidden the answer under HAIRDRESSERS – 17TH CENTURY – Other Options Public Executioners Paris or Guillotine Operators 18th Century Page 817

I now know why its shortened to YELL.

Whilst we are at it, who remembers the little stick man they used to hide on the pages?

I bet he’s hiding in shame.

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