Crimbo Cats Festive Survey
Chrismastide, Noel, nativity, call it what you will Christmas is here to stay along with all the latest nostalgic tear jerking adverts so we asked members of the celebrity obsessed public to tell us what their best Christmas spelling is and these are the results.
“I fink it means to me everyfing is shiny and like that’s why I call it Crimble time. It’s the stuff of jeezus and Maori wid da likkle donkey in da shed, innit? I mean if day r gunna ave it evry year why don’t they tell us? This fanta bloke is ace but I don’t know wat a chimney is. Is it like a long chin?” said a typical yoof yesterday.
“My dear I think you will find its actually Yuletide, Christmas is so common and don’t even get me started with Xmas. Xmas is so, so, Peter Smith, he’s as common as they come you know. Yuletide felicitations to you all!”
“I like Xmas, it’s like a quick way to write and is a real boon when writing Christmas cards. Of course it sounds as if you couldn’t be bothered and yes it may come across as lazy but hey, it’s Xmas, were all in misery so get over it.”
Mr Crimble Claus, N.Pole
“Personally I prefer the season of Noel when we celebrate all things about that plumb bearded chap Noel Edmunds. I remember his Noel Edmunds House Party, the one with Mr Blobby, oh, he was such a great character. A great big pink thing with spots, or was that something I went to the doctors with? I dunno, anyway Noel is great and my first choice at this time of year.”
N.Edmunds, Crinkly Bottom.
“I was always taught that it was pronounced Chrissymissymussytime to go along with the seasons, after all what else would go with Winterfrinterchillywilly and Bonfireywiry Night?”
That bloke off the television that makes rude phonecalls and gets let off to make millions of pounds more.
“Wibble poot, floooomffhh, pop, pop, booomph.”
“Mr name is Noddy Holder and I like to call this time of year ‘ker-ching!!’ after the sound my royalty cheque makes at the bank after ‘Merry Christmas Everybody’ has been played 1,253,273 times.”
Mr N.Holder 1976
“My name is Mariah and this Christmas I fancy something different to you.”
Mariah Couldn’t Carey, Hull
“My name is George Michael and I want my heart back even though you tore it apart.”
George “It’s not the only thing you tore” Michael
“Quite frankly I wish it could be Christmas every day” said Roy Wood.
“Really I hate Christmas, my name is Mary Berry and I often get confused with Merry. That sponge dear is over baked, what do you think Paul?”
“I think it’s an ok bake Mary, not one of their best. Did you prove the dough correctly before putting it in the oven Cliff?”
“Hey Mary, you’re a Livin’ Doll want to go on a Summer Holiday and get away from all this Mistletoe and Wine?”
We had to cut our survey short as we started to be surrounded by ex-Christmas song celebrities and it was blocking the doorway to Greggs, more results tomorrow when we ask Showadywady and The Bay City Rollers what they really think of striped curtains in a bedroom.