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What Sausage Are You?

A handy quiz to reveal your inner meatiness, are you succulent or scrawny? More chaff than chump? Answer the following questions and all will be revealed!

How would you describe your body?

A) Thin and bald.

B) Lumpy with chunks of gristle in all the wrong places.

C) Gloriously large proportions with chipolata fingers.

D) Big head, thin neck, big stomach, thin legs.


You are often described as…

A) Looking like a tube of lips, eyes and a-holes.

B) Prick with a fork.

C) An overstuffed cushion with buttons for eyes.

D) Out of proportion and twisted.


Your favourite food is…

A) Fried onions.

B) Egg and Bacon.

C) Quorn or Tofu.

D) Everything.


In the heat of passion you…

A) Get gradually hotter and steam.

B) Leak and spit.

C) Expand and sweat heavily before bursting at one end.

D) End up a floppy mess unable to stand upright.


You go out for the night, where do you go?

A) The fairground or some other outdoor event.

B) A budget supermarket.

C) A nice delicatessen.

D) The butchers.


How did you do?

Mostly A’s

You are a hotdog sausage, your thin body and bald head are a giveaway as is your tendancy to sweat a lot when hot. You like nothing better than laying in a fresh bap and smelling the tang of fried onions you pervert.

Mostly B’s

You are so cheap you are Value Sausage and can be found loitering around other dubious produce such as hash browns and pop tarts. The sum of all your parts is like Frankenstein, pretty much made up from everything that missed the bin. Prick with a fork is NOT an instruction and your best friend is called Dave when you are not watching football.

Mostly C’s

Oooh, get you, you’re An Award Winning Banger. Being used to the finer things in life you only shop at independants and ethically source all your meat and produce before getting back in your gas guzzler to increase your carbon footprint. You have friends called Jocasta and eat yoghurt probably. Behind closed doors you are known as Betty Banger due to your tendancy to get rather drunk and ahem…we won’t talk about that shall we?

Mostly D’s

You are a raw link of sausages and have no backbone. Friends behind your back call you names and make jokes about your floppyness. What they don’t know is that as you heat up you come into your own and regain a hardness they didn’t know existed. Unfortunately you are also very pale, full of unknown content and a bit slippery.

Mostly E’s

You are Silly Sausage. You know damn well there is no E’s and are just being silly or you have in fact taken some E’s and are completely off your tits reading this like I am.

Mostly F’s

You are a Sausage Sandwich and your problems are only just starting!

Mostly G’s

Phew, you stink so you must be Garlic Sausage. Just the meer thought of you makes grown men retch.


Don’t forget to post what sausage you are on Facebook so others can join in the sausage fun, it’s the quiz that keeps on giving.

Today’s quiz was bought to you by Saucy Sausage Ltd, purveyors of condiment filled sausages to the stars.


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