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The Turnip Prize

This years Turnip Prize has seen some stunning works of art presented before our judges, here’s this years short list.

WHISKY BUSINESS (Bob 2013)

Bob is a sculptural artist from Wales who uses common objects to question our stance on authority. Whisky Business makes us think about the pain and injury suffered by ingredients when baking and thus ask ourselves the question; is it all worth it? The sitting angle of the whisk to the juicer was worked out by Bob over several weeks until he reached the optimal emotional expressive angle of 22 degrees, an angle that has made visitors to his current exhibition ‘Why Don’t You All Just Cook Off!’ weep.

THE FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE (Artfart 2012)

Expressive installation of what at first glance looks like the contents of a rubbish bin, it’s only when you read the title that you start trying to look for something that you can nod too and say ‘I see what the artist is trying to express.’ A nod to Greek mythology and a powerful statement to consumerism and monetary misery. Artfart is an unknown artist who is rumoured to be a top designer with links to other pretentious art farts.

BIN AND GONE (Trumpet Pants 2014)

Viewers were led around the back of the Tate to be shown the latest work by Trumpet Pants the flamboyant artist from London who wowed guests dressed as an alcoholic vagrant as he talked about life on the street in a two up, two down wheelie bin. The piece was later bought by Charles Scratchy for an undisclosed six figure sum and joins his previous piece ‘Recycle!’ a pedal bin full of smashed up pedal bins. A strong contender to win this years Turnip Prize.

SUGAR RUSH (Peter Smith, 2011)

It’s art like this that gives art a bad name, it’s shocking that people like this are allowed near a paintbrush never mind Peter trying to be something he is positively not. Absolute drivel and I for one vote that all of his ‘creations’ of ‘Impossimals’ should be avoided at all costs for spreading too much happiness and making people smile. Quotes about Peter include ‘Absolute tosh’, ‘Drivel’ and the too kind ‘A shockingly bad self taught amateur @iss artist of the worst order’ Statements I wholly agree with, if this wins this years Turnip Prize I will personally pull out all my hairs with plyers – Tim Bucktoo professional art critic and Turnip Prize Judge.

QUICK ON THE DRAWER (Mr Loon, 2012)

A muddled world in a muddled mind challenges our perception of the zeitgeist of reality and shines a light on equality.

“My work explores the relationship between consumerist fetishism and counter-terrorism.

With influences as diverse as Camus and John Lennon, new combinations are synthesised from both simple and complex textures. Ever since I was a student I have been fascinated by the unrelenting divergence of meaning. What starts out as triumph soon becomes manipulated into a hegemony of futility, leaving only a sense of decadence and the chance of a new synthesis.

As shifting derivatives become frozen through boundaried and personal practice, the viewer is left with a clue to the inaccuracies of our era.” – Mr Loon

THE STICK UP (Zzzzz, 2014)

After randomly dropping these three items a cordon was immediately set up around them for they are Zzzzz’s latest and greatest urban art creation. The entire paving slab was lifted with the items intact and transported to the Tate for permanent display such is the value of Zzzzz’s work. It never ceases to amaze me at the versatility of Zzzzz, his never ending imagination knows no bounds and he must be a strong contender to win this year especially after his one man show ‘Z’ earlier in 2014 in which he casually dropped objects such as paperclips and pencils onto the floor of the gallery before declaring himself too tired. The items were left ‘in state’ and the gallery room remains sealed until his return. A priceless exhibit guaranteeing Zzzzz artist immortality.

Winners of the Turnip Prize will be announced later this week, winners receive a years worth of root vegetables.

 

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