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The Perfect Christmas

I’m Santa and this is your guide to a festive frugal time this Christmas with some excellent designer ideas from a world famous bloke that’s done a bit of decorating on television.

One simple way to make sure all your guests feel festive as they spend long hours on the porcelain throne after dinner is to jinglefy your cushion comfort rolls with the addition of a christmassy holly motif easily applied using a biro or crayon. For additional points keep a box of after eight mints in easy reach, not only will the minty taste help digest Christmas dinner but the resulting minty breath will also dispel most odours.

Carve potatoes with the initials of your guests beforehand and sprinkle with black pepper for a swish display of your culinary skills. NB This is not advisable if mashing potatoes, Inonce did that for guests called Robert, Caroline, Anthony and Paul, the resulting mash spelled out ‘crap’ on their plates, at least that’s what I think they were on about when they mentioned that the potatoes were crap.

Cheese is always popular so make it more special by wrapping it in sparkly silver foil and add a sprig of holly as a flourish. Store in a warm room two weeks before hand to allow it to ‘mature’ before gifting it.

Got a heavy drinker in the family that costs oodles to keep supplied at Christmas? Fool them into drinking lemonade by decorating brightly and serving with a pint glass. If they still have the ability to see straight and read then simply write the word VODKA above the lemonade on the label for a new exciting drink ‘Lemonade Vodka’. Make sure to place roller skates under the television and keep moving it around the room to create a vodka induced unsteady vision fooling your alcoholic guest.

Bin bags as presents can be so passé, make them special again by wrapping in ribbon before placing under the Christmas tree.

It’s always a problem wrapping certain presents like toilet brushes, instead disguise them using items from the Christmas tree. A fairy makes an ideal toilet brush ‘topper’ and is ideal to keep out all year as an attractive display item for your guests. Crocheted toilet mats are a must to match and you can even add fluffy toilet seats to further enhance the luxury.

Decorations can be expensive so use freezer bag clips on ribbon for a useful festive display. Should space become tight in the kitchen simply ‘peg’ items to the display further enhancing it’s attractiveness.

No table would be complete without a nativity display to wow your guests. Forget expensive ones from the shop just use all your leftovers creatively to give you a nostalgic glimpse into the true meaning of Christmas. Mushrooms make ideal kings whilst potatoes double up for Jospeh and Mary, feel free to add paper napkin hoods. Donkeys are best made from onions and a carrot manger completes the look.

One for the kids; turn any normal reindeer into the ever important Rudolph with the inclusion of a cherry tomato nose attached with Sellotape. Simple!

We hope these tips have been useful, don’t forget to send me pictures of your cost cutting designer additions to your house!

 

 

 

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