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Television – It’s The Future!

In the next few years we are expected to see a revolution in entertainment with the emergence of television! For those of you that don’t know what television is it’s a small version of the cinematography you are used to at the local picture houses that promises to beam small playlets and sporting events direct into your home without the need for a troupe of small actors living with you. These will be viewed on a small box and it’s this brown box with a glass front that is called a television.

Scientists such as the one above have been working on this technology since 1878, twisting dials and playing with their knobs to bring you the future. We have already witnessed the latest communication technology such as the telegraph and semaphore that has changed our lives forever, will television do the same?

Preparations are already underway to bring you stunning entertainment such as Albert Crimblecock and his scissor skeletons star of the soon to be popular Vera Lynn’s The British Empires Got Talent, a program that showcases talentless public and pointless pleading in front of a panel of judges including Norman Wisdom and Winston Churchill.

Every Thursday night will be Top Of The Popular Tunes From The Roxy presented by top radio presenter Lord Reginald Tombly host of BBC Radio’s hit show ‘Oh missus, where’s my washboard?’ and the equally popular ‘War Stories For The Under Fives’. Young middle aged fifty year olds will be filmed fox trotting to guest bands comducted by Glen Miller playing such current music as ‘Feuge Concerto Number 6 in D Minor’ and the fox trotting explosion that is ‘Whale Meat Again’ by the Icelandic sensation Vera Lynn.

Whale meat again,

Don’t know why ,don’t care when,

But I know it’s whale meat again, every bloody day.

Keep smiling through,

Just like you always do,

Till the whale pies drive me far, far away.

So will you please say bloody hell,

To the folks that I know,

Tell them I won’t eat the tongue, (it’s far too long)

They’ll be happy to know that as you saw me go

I was gagging on a bone.


As you can see our scientists are still working away to bring you the miracle of television. This picture was taken yesterday at television headquarters in Hull.

Soon we will all be marvelling at the live events such as the exciting log race from Cambridge where teams of toffs sit astride a log and have a ‘log off’ as they paddle up and down the river. Never before will such exciting events be available for all to see. It will join other society events such as the Grandma National and Wombledon.

Exclusively we can now show you what ‘television’ will look like in your home. Thrilling isn’t it, don’t forget it’s coming into your living room soon.

N.B. You will need a ‘television’ to receive ‘television’. These are available directly from the BBC and cost £2837 2d. Customers must have at least 473 cubic feet available and have direct access to the national power grid to avoid ‘brown outs’ of electrical circuits and gas lights. Currenty only one program is broadcast and that’s of a kitten playing with a ball of wool. The Radio Times comes out every week and contains listings for all the popular channels such as the BBC and the BBC.


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