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Sam ‘BLING BLING’ Spangles


It’s been a record breaking week in the record industry with not one but ten brand new releases ready to storm our charts. Get downloading folks you ain’t never had it so groovy. We bring you the best and baddest reviews around, I’m so down with the kids it’s sick! Schizzle my rizzle you razzers, ain’t that right Scooby?

Rhur is Raggy, Rikes!

1. Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby
Nightmare bubbling from a large pink foam turd with legs to a rhythm that only the dance impaired could groove to. Bonus effect is that it also makes you want to set fire to Noel’s beard.
82% Dancefloor anthem for 2014 mark my words!
2. Pitbull – Worldwide Stud Muffin
Taking lyrics from his worldwide hits, Mr self styled worldwide goes for worldwide dominance with his latest worldwide tune Worldwide Stud Muffin that’s bound to be popular worldwide.
With such stunning linguistic skills such as this from worldwide hit ‘Wild Wild Love’
I don’t know if I can handle all five

But baby we can try tonight, dale

In which he tries to organise some kind of sleepover with friends to the more subtle lines from his other worldwide hit ‘International Love’

In Romania she pulled me to the side and told me, “Pit, you can have me and my sister.”

In which he accepts an offer from two young ladies for a sleepover, then of course there is the worldwide masterpiece that is ‘Rain Over Me’ in which he seems to be confused between Mr Worldwide, somebody named Marc and Kemo Sabe, the lone rangers sidekick.

Mr. Worldwide, Marc Anthony, tú sabe

I was playing with her, she was playing with me
Next thing you know, we were playing with three

Still, he manages to organise some kind of entertainment with three players, all I can think of is the card game Gin Rummy but I might be wrong. Pure rap genius, I can’t wait to listen to Worldwide Stud Muffin as I am sure it will contain many meaningful lyrics to hum along to.
90% Mr Worldwide does it again with his slightly naive look on life and innocent lyrics.
3. Cliff Richard – Anything
No really, anything by Cliff should carry a warning that you might feel like ripping your ears off with an additional warning on the cover of Millennium Prayer that listeners may experience nausea and chest pains.
-272636% Cliff cloff claff. Say no more.
4. Mile Eee Cyruss – Wretching Ball
If you are into lizard tongue scantily dressed ladies twerking and swinging on large balls then visit www.lizardtonguescantilydressedladiestwerkingandswingingonlargeballs.com, if you are not then watch this video of Mile Eeeeeeeeeee’s latest release a heart warming rendition of regret bashed out through a pristine set of white gnashers set in a demolition yard and you will find out just why it’s called Wretching Ball. Guaranteed to make you gip and gag.
100% bonafide ball breaking hit! Watch out for Mile Eeeeeeee as it won’t be long before she has a pet monkey, wears gloves and crash and burns.
4. St. Winifred’s School Choir – There’s No One Quite Like Grandma
If you are looking for a tune to start a house party or illegal rave and you love bangin’ lyrics then this is one chart topper that will set your pulse racing. From the first opening verse when they drop the bass to the last tinkle of the piano it’s music at it finest.
There’s no one quite like Grandma
She always has a smile
She never hurries us along
Just stays a little while
It builds up to an astonishing crescendo before exploding with its final power chorus where the entire backing choir joins in to blow the audience away. The video is even more amazing set in a school assembly hall, obviously the influence that Britney Spears used for her average video ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’.

Top Ten Barbeque Foods

1. Burgers
2. Sausages
3. Bacon
4. Chicken
5. Cadburys Creme Eggs
6. Fish
7. Fiat Uno
8. Chopsticks
9. Queen Mothers Teeth
10. Spam

This is Sam Spangles signing off, keep Krunking kids!


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