Verily forsooth, tis the day of the George, slayer of dragons and purveyor of white and red underwear but just how much do you know about old George and potatoes?
St George’s real name is Arthur Crimblecock and the dragon he fought was called Mary Mangle, his mother in law who he saw off with a well placed aim when a potato hit her squarely in the mouth shutting her up indefinitely.
George once married a Marris Piper.
In 1970 St George set up St George Ltd PLC and opened hundreds of public houses around the country called George And The Dragon and installed formidable landlords and ladies who would chuck you out at closing time and refuse happy hours on the grounds that drinking is a serious matter. A downturn of trading in the 90’s when pubs went ‘family friendly’ and turned beer gardens to play areas forced George to sell off his pub chain to Wetherspoons, a non dragon fighting public house chain that supplies pies and pints to the masses.
George had a liking for potatoes.
St George joins St Bungle the patron saint of DIY accidents and St Zippy the patron saint of loud, obnoxious people you wish had a zip to form the holy trinity of patron saints called a Rainbow. Rod, Jane and Freddy contrary to popular belief was actually a set of instructions.
During the great fire of London in 1666 St George whilst gathering his possessions to flee the city decided to leave behind his favourite potatoes wrapping them in silver foil to avoid damage. When he returned to the glowing embers of his house the next day his distress was tempered by the discovery that he had accidentally invented the humble baked potato. In his diary he wrote ‘House destroyed, all my worldly possessions burnt beyond repair. On the bright side created an excellent new snack I shall call a baked potato and open up a business selling such a new discovery, it shall be called Potato’U’Like. It can be served with lashings of gruel and lemon posset.’
In 1667 Londons first Potato’U’Like caught fire when a batch of potatoes reached critical mass and exploded scattering red hot mash over several miles. Several potatoes were catapulted into random areas of London, due to their unexploded nature they are still regarded as a hazard today if discovered during building works. St George was found walking around dazed and confused after the explosion uttering the words ‘Your not supposed to blow the bloody doors off!’ Words made famous many years later when the worlds biggest potato heist was dramatised for television in ‘The King Edward Job’
When St George saw his first ever King Edward potato it resembled an overgrown prune, he described it in his diary…’King Edwards? looks more like King Kongs!’
St George was the first person to survive going over Niagra Falls in a hollowed out potato. The Pentland Squire was particularly ideal to be hollowed out having a tough outer skin and a firm middle making it ideal for chips or indeed makeshift boats.
He also had an obsession with potatoes.
Potato slippers never really did take off, after several wearings the public complained of mashed toes so they were taken off the market and replaced with our now common training shoes made from hardened potato skins in large factories worldwide.
St George always loved potatoes.
As with his wishes when St George died after being crushed under two tonne of New potatoes foolishly stacked he was placed in a baking tray and covered with SMASH to resemble a large Shepherds Pie. We don’t know why, he was just funny like that.
FUN FACT FOR TODAY
St George loved potatoes.