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Oribarmy

Many people are turning to the ancient art of Oribarmi, or useless paper folding to replace disappointing television as entertainment. It’s quite easy to do and to get you on your way here’s a few easy projects to make some stunning paper sculptures. All you need a a piece of paper similar to the above. Please don’t choose paper size larger than six foot, it requires two people to fold and a steamroller for the creases.

To begin, lay firmly on your back and relax. Raise one leg up until your knee touches your chin. Hold it there and place one arm on the floor to steady yourself.

Now break wind.

The resulting blast will clear out your chakras and part your maracas giving you a sense of oneness with the world. Now you can begin.

So lets start with a simple napkin fold. Take the paper and fold it in half, place your foot on the right corner and twist the left flap towards your ankle. Turn the paper over and fold in half, push your finger through the middle and open out to display.

Voila, an attractive napkin centrepiece for all your dinner parties. Make one for each guest and decorate them with glue and glitter for an upmarket classy look that will bedazzle them into your Oribarmi way of life.

Next something a little more complex, the last days of Pompeii.

Take a new piece of paper and holding one corner roll a tube at an angle. Place your fist in one end and open your fingers to unfurl it a little. Growl menacingly and erupt with a torrent of rude words to conjure up the spirit of the mountain. Stand upright on the table to display.

The you have it, a stunning volcano with optional paper lava flow. You can just imagine the screams of terror as this this disgorged its contents. Anyway why doesn’t the earth deflate when this happens? I’d imagine its like a good fart only more lethal.

Take another piece of paper and this time cleverly fold it corner to corner, can you see what it is yet? Twist the left side around the back of your neck and pull your coat over your head. Place your left leg in, your left leg out, do the hokey cokey and shake it all about. You should the have a…

…beautiful elephant fit for any parade that in now way resembles a cock and balls. Keeping with the theme of animals I like to make one of my favourites and decorate them to give away as gifts. Rabbits made from paper are essentially ears, body and tails. Grab yourself yet again another piece of paper, I recommend Bockingford Limited Linen 27365g paper, when folded you get not only a paper rabbit but it also weighs the same adding to the realism.

Fold all the corners to the middle, holding up your middle finger place the paper squarely on top and make your other hand form the universal finger and thumb ‘OK’ sign. Place this over your middle finger and vigorously move it up and down as if your are shaking a bottle. That actually had nothing to do with the model I just wanted to feed my imagination with such mental images. Anyway, fold A into B pulling flap C over D as shown on these instructions – A+B-C/D. Finally unfurl and pull up the ears.

Hardly distinguishable from the real thing is it? Notice the detail I the tail and ears, truly stunning.

Finally a free standing structure to leave on your bosses desk for a surprise. It’s called the Erect Lighthouse, a slim structure rounded at the top nestled on two large boulders, you can almost hear the crashing of the sea.

Take another bit of paper only this time cup your hands like you are holding two tennis balls. Scrunch them together to create the rocks, finally place your hand between the rocks and pull up, as if by magic your lighthouse will magically erect resembling nothing like a cock and balls.

Your final piece should look like this, feel free to decorate it in any fashion and place it somewhere prominent to tell everybody you know how to Oribarmi.

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