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Mary, Mary Why So Sweary?

It’s Monday and you’re already sat at work bored, what do you do? Well, you could make your very own Sweary Mary Bobbins, all the fun of Mary Poppins combined with the latest crazy for crafting and swearing.
For this you will need :
An old fashioned Bobbin, a match stick, a toothpick or thin piece of wood twice as long as a matchstick, an elastic or hair band, two pieces of blu-tak and of course a brolly combined with your own potty mouth. N.B. Don’t use a full size brolly, the gear ratio of your Mary Bobbins can only pull at around 126bhp. Yes, I know there’s a pipe cleaner there too, I thought I might need it.
Thread the band through the middle of the bobbin and secure with half a matchstick one side and your longer piece of wood the other. The longer piece will act as the thrust, the shorter this is the faster it will go unless of course it’s that short it cannot reach the table.
Secure the shorter end using blu-tak and rotate the larger piece until the band in the middle starts to twist. Keep twisting until you can go no further and the band is tight with tension and Mary is ready to go.
Now very carefully attach your brolly to the longer piece of wood using blu-tak making sure you pin it down as shown, we don’t want Mary flying off the handle just yet.
When you a ready shout ‘nut sack’ and follow it with a tirade of naughty words as you let go, see how many you can shout before Mary Bobbins is spent. You can see in the above picture when I tried it it shot off with such power it crashed through the front door and raced up the street. So apologies to the neighbours for running up the street half naked chasing a speeding bobbin and shouting obscenities again this morning, I don’t think they got over the last time, although to be fair I was fully naked then.
For added authenticity you can improvise, here I have added a small matchbox musical instrument that plays ‘A Spoonful Of Sugar’ and of course a spoon for said sugar, the amount of fun is literally endless!
I’m off to wind it up again and see if I can break my record of sixty two swears, tomorrow we will make a Harry Hill Helicopter out of a boiled egg, a rubber band, two lolly sticks and a pair of glasses.

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