Welcome to the Loo Read Book Club, reviews of some of the latest releases to hit our shelves whilst you sit on your throne.
First up is Seven Seas, a passionate drama about cod fishing, promising steamy scenes of one-a-day. Well I was disappointed, the story has been done time and time again and drones on far too long about health benefits and omega-3 one of the main characters. It’s also poorly written with tacky lines like ‘Feel the joy of good health from head to toe with Seven Seas…’ Which I assume is being said to omega-3, it’s difficult to follow sometimes as they seem to have missed some dialogue out. The chapters are also haphazard, normally they are numbered but in this case they have opted for strange titles for each one so you regularly come across chapters called Riboflavin and Folic Acid. By the end of it I felt a bit like I had been reading a gym, it went on far too much about healthy lifestyles and offered nearly nothing about a steamy cod laden romance as suggested on the cover.
2/10 instead try Head & Shoulders
Nivea has a plain cover, quite unusual for such a racy novel and I’m quite surprised that I enjoyed it. The hero, Beiersdorf (UK Ltd) is based in Milton Keynes, not exactly a sordid hotspot but then again who knows. Some of the passages are quite explicit, ‘A rich creamy lotion…’ and ‘…skin areas all over the body’ conjure up all kinds of erotic imagery but it’s not the domination orientated read like other competitors, it’s more gentle in its approach and ends with a comforting ‘…all the care you need’ It’s not for children so it’s best to hide it away between reads as it contains adult language like ‘moisturisation’ and ‘lotion’
5/10 a little hot for me but a solid read
It’s not very often you get an adventure pop up but you can always spot one with its dramatic cover. This one called Peeled Tom is exceptional. Set under the Italian sun according to the blurb it takes Napolina on a great adventure through fertile farmland on a voyage of discovery until she finds the man of her dreams Peeled Tom, a local farmer who helps to ripen and sweeten her love under the sundrenched landscape. One for the purists out there and a thumping good read. This is the hardback edition and is a little difficult to hold, wait for the paperback to come out and you have the perfect perching book.
10/10 throughly recommended!
Short stories are always welcome. I once remember starting to read some rubbish called War and Peace and spent three weeks in the toilet, when I eventually finished it I found my leg muscles had diminished and I had lost five stone, it was a poor choice. Instead short stories are made for this, Vaseline ticks every box, it’s short, sweet and soothing. The story was quite a shock, it opens with twist at a lip therapy clinic that sells of all things petrol and jelly. Things hot up when the assistant enters and utters ‘Verzorgt schrale lippen en droge huid’ in a sultry voice and it all ends with an explosion of dry skin, lips and a showdown at Lever university shortened in this story to Unilever.
8/10 twisted unexpected short lived but immensely funny
More from Loo Read Book Club next week.
N.B. Not to be confused with Lou Reeds Lavatory Reads Club.