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Lists

Two days of appearances and Monday found me in Tesco’s doing a ‘big shop’. Don’t know why it’s called a big shop it just always has been called it. Anyway, after wrestling with a trolley which when you think about it they are impressive value at £1 each, you can get at least £20 in scrap, I wobbled my way around the shop until something wedged in the corner caught my eye.

It was a shopping list.

I love other peoples shopping lists so I popped it in my pocket for later perusal. Now you are probably thinking that’s rather an odd thing to do and I admit it may seem a little strange but dear reader I was thinking only of you for you see other peoples lists are fascinating.

It all starts off quite simply with ‘2 Case O/J’ which shopping list aficionados know is two cartons of orange juice, there is a slight stumble at Weetabix when it’s spelt Weetadix but we can skirt around that one especially when my stupid spellchecker does this…

I’m not bloody Gollum so what’s with all the ‘sss? Anyway, it then gets rather interesting with ‘Tin Scetty’. I have walked many miles around Tesco’s but not once have I yearned for tinned Scetty, it all sounds rather revolting. I can’t even imagine what it should be.

‘Whats for tea love?’

‘Scetty on toast, is that alright?’

‘Not bloody Scetty again, didn’t they have any of them Weetadix?’

Look underneath the Tin Scetty, we have a request for All Crisps and Few Biscuits, wow, that leaves it open doesn’t it? Is that ALL crisps as in the entire shop? And what are the few biscuits for? Are they going to break open a packet and take just two? I checked people’s trolleys as I walked around but failed to find anybody struggling under the weight of ALL crisps and remained disappointed. Anyway it couldn’t have been a recent shopper as the crisp aisle was still full.

Straight under that we have the equally mystifying ‘Sm b Rolls’ followed by ‘Picu Cardafe’, eventually I worked out that we was in the preserve aisle and that was Pickled Cabbage, it’s still a guess but I’m assuming that the next ‘B Root’ is beet root and not a rough man.

‘He was awful, and such a Broot to me Hilda, he had big hands!’

My deciphering skills then took a blow and I need your help, what is ‘I Pu Yoes’? No matter which way I read it I cannot make it work, it’s between Beetroot and Ham on the list, I doubt they have thrown it in without reason. I was almost tempted to track down a member of staff and pretend it was my list to see them squirm trying to tell me what it was I had written down.

‘Yoes?’

‘Yes, Yoes, I was hoping you could help me. You know what Yoes are, you beat them with a rolling pin then boil them until they are black. They smell awful but taste like jelly and icecream. I shall be most upset if you tell me you haven’t got any left young man.’

Titter worthy but I didn’t have the time to engage in Yoe banter with a yoof.

The next entry is probably tricky to get in your basket.

Steam.

Oh well, let’s move on shall we. I presume Micro Chas is simply chips and not a miniature member of popular piano duo Chas’n’Dave. The last entry though is a humdinger, it’s written a little larger than normal and proudly announces ‘Pnant Smirs’. Answers on a postcard please. Anyway, for my blogging pleasure there was a second list in a different hand, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

In my best Sherlock Holmes mode I have skilfully deduced that they forgot frozen peas, bet they could kick themselves. They also have a PC and their printer is faulty and requires cleaning, also they use scissors. Impressed? It helped that on the reverse is the printer test page printout and with the best will in the world you couldn’t tear paper that neatly. Anyway, I digress, have you noticed that people write lists according to where they store things? All the fridge stuff is listed together for example just like the previous list. A couple of interesting things caught my eye on this one, firstly ‘Mick’ wedged between Green OXO and Eggs, lucky old Mick.

‘I’ll have a pound of Micks please, don’t skimp like last time, I had to throw away half a Mick because it went off so quick.’

Cooked Moats is also a favourite and the fact that they are looking for Ariel the Mermaid but my best bit is left till the end.

How fantastic to finish your list with the words Fab Cow.

So thank you for reading today, here is your receipt.

TODAY YOU SAVED £0.00 Bugger All

At Blogging The Impossimal compared to reading at Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury’s or Morrisons.

Every fiddle helps.

 

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