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find me some juicy titbits

It’s Lunacy!

Scrabble, pill pot, cucumber, are you a closet loon? Or are you an intolerant creation of today’s society? And if so how do you wibble know? Take Mr Loons handy quibble rhubarb how loony are you quiz to find out!

How It Works

You score 1 point for every A answer, 2 for a B and any comfortable amount for a C, you can also score yourself for a D even thought there are no D answers.

1) You do not have the right change for a carpark ticket machine, do you…

A) Politely ask another carpark customer if they could change a £5 note.

B) Get really annoyed and drop kick the ticket machine before finding the nearest fire extinguisher and spraying passersby with foam shouting ‘How’s that for sixpence!’.

C) You remove your left shoe and eat it before pulling a large saveloy from your inside pocket which you proceed to roll across the carpark using just your nose.

2) A bottle top is extremely stiff and refuses to budge, do you…

A) Run the end of the bottle under the warm tap and try again using a towel for grip.

B) Get a large hammer and smash the top off the bottle.

C) You hold the bottle in your arms and sing the bottle loosener song which goes like this whilst dancing around the room…

‘Little bottle long and square how tight is your top I do dispair!

Please release your grip on my favourite sip as my unicorn requires regular maintenance from a selection of beverages inspired by the phases of the moon.

Once I drink I start to think of lollypops and sausages floating on a bed of beans, of candy bacon and salty queens, of chocolate eggs and bendy legs covered in a sauce made of clothes pegs.

So little bottle long and square, release and share your wonderful juice as I love my drink as long as it’s not puce.’

You then place your hands firmly on the bottle top and do the twist, like you did last summer.

3) Sitting on the bus you miss your bus stop, what do you do?

A) Wait patiently for the next stop and walk.

B) Shout profanities and slap the back of the head of the person in front of you before ripping out the seat and chucking it through the window.

C) Pretend to be Noah and only allow people to leave the bus two by two whilst encouraging a singsong of the popular tune ‘Wheels On The Giraffe’

‘The wheels on the giraffe go up and down, up and down, up and down.

The doors on the giraffe go la, la, de, bop, poot, la, la, de, bop, poot, la, la, ,de, bop, poot.

The trapdoor on the giraffe goes flumpitydiddlyplop-plop as the donkey drops through it.

The donkey in the giraffe goes moo, moo, moo.

The cow in the donkey in the giraffe goes oink, oink, oink.

All day long’

4) You sit reading a blog entry about being a loon, do you?

A) Think ‘this is utter rubbish, how does he find the time to write such crap’ and do something more worthwhile of your time.

B) Get extremely angry at the sheer waste of time you spent reading this and make plans to meet the author this weekend at Castle Galleries on Saturday in Nottingham so you can tell them just what you think of them before you stamp on their feet and eat cod bites infront of them.

C) Agree with the bit about unicorn maintenance but add that you will need a cat ratchet to adjust unicorns properly.

How did you do?

Less than 4

Sorry, but you are absolutely bonkers you mad loony loon! It’s people like you that are loony, keep it up you will go far! Half naked exploding penguins with Anne Widecome riding a pig naked, oops, this isn’t google search is it?

Between 4 and 7.8273654772

Whoa! You are perfectly normal and have all the same anger issues that we generate in today’s society, you will go far! Try finding your perfect job like auditioning for X-Factor or appear on Jeremy Kyle, well done!

Greater than 1216216 but less than 17266 divided by 536, is your card the number Queen of Hearts?

Really you need to be a bit different, stop being such a boring sheep, go and do something INTERESTING for a change.

How did you do?

 

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