Star Warts (PG) 12.40 2.30 7.40 – Classic sci-fi skin complaint surgery in space. ‘This is not the wart you are looking for.’
The Terminator (X) 1.20 5.23 – The trials and tribulations of a railway announcer as he cancels several trains in a row much to the disgust of travellers. Contains strong language and the William Tell Overture being farted over the tanoy.
Filthy Smut (XXX) 1.50 2.50 3.50 4.50 – Wonderful children’s film sequel to the popular Smutty Filth (XXX)
Lassie Does Dallas (u) 7.50 9.20 10.26 – Naughty Lassie makes a naughty movie, excellent family film.
Alice Through The Drinking Glass (PG) 6.20 12.32 – After a rough night out Alice wakes up in a mysterious land ruled by an evil Queen, follow Alice’s adventures as she fights a raging hangover, samples casual drug use from labelled bottles, hallucinates and talks to cats.
All night XXX movies TUES 11.30 – 5.30 Confessions of a Text Maniac, Confessions of a Tupperware Seller, Confessions of a Confessional Confessor, Confessions of a Lamb, Confessions of a Ewe, Confessions of a Sea Urchin.
For hire Bouncy Castle, fun for all the family with our inflatable Roy Castle. £10 per day, no shoes or scissors please.
For hire Extreme Clowns, sword swallowing, bed of nails, hanging from hooks, ideal for children’s parties.
The BGs, tribute band, no connection to The Be G’s or The Bee G’s or The Bee Ge’s or The Be Ge’s or The Beeee Geeee’s or The Beeeeeeeeeee Geeeeeeeeee’s or The B Geeeee’s or The Beee Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s or The B’s or The G’s £10 per song, teeth extra. Full wigs and beard experience.
Wig, light brown, slight fire damage £23 o.n.o
Two pelicans, comes with free flamingo, must go to a good home. Selling due to acquiring several tigers and a giraffe. £10 Contact Gerald, Flat 23, Mandella Hi-Rise, Cricklewood.
Brucie, entertainer of sorts. Buyer beware, prone to spontaneous tap dancing and singing, requires re-wigging on top. Will split. £1.26
Rod Stewart record ‘I Am Sailing’ £125, will consider swap for Terry Wogans ‘Floral Dance’ or anything by Keith Chegwin.
Flatulance bucket, amplifies flatulance sound x10, a miracle of modern science and a must have gadget. Enable to project the sound up to one mile in good conditions. From low rasps to dog howlers, full broadcasting ability with optional wifi to upload your sounds. £25 o.n.o. Used. Soiled.
Fruity Mr Kipling looking for a French Fancy Tart that Bakes well. Custard Creme a speciality, will consider Bourbons or Wagon Wheels.
Miss Two Wrongs looking for that Mr Right, no other names acceptable, want to make Two Wrongs Right.
Cupboard lover looking for sexy sideboard to open drawers, if door sticks, pull to open.
Henchmen required, excellent benefits, full health insurance, uniform, own gun. Contact SMERSH, Crab Key, Old Volcano.
We are hiring! Like fairy tales? Have expensive tastes? Want two houses absolutely free or even a cheap council house in central London? Then why not become a local MP, hours to suit.