(Pretend you are Pam Ayres when you read this it may help)
I only have a small one, a tiddler to you and me
To please the folk I give it a poke but a tiddlers hardly glee
Although its short its as straight as it ought, but it’s no pleasure to see
In bad light it might feel alright and even fit the bill, but really I’m just getting old and my tiddlers over the hill.
You can see my dilemma with my short straight fella, made worse when given a chance
By a friend to enter his shed and look at his Fred, a name not given from a glance
For he had one as large as twelve inch, that bowed in the middle like a bow on a fiddle
Long thin and straight it went well past the eight, on my ruler I had bought from Lidl
Mine is bigger and could well be a topper, said my other friend who suddenly whipped out a whopper
We laid them all out and indeed his was a clout, it was a gobsmacking long straight show stopper
It knocked us for six and we all took a breath, astonished we were and nearly scared half to death
For on the wooden bench was a foot and a bit, straight and long it was part King Kong
A cucumber of massive proportions lay there, not the dirty end of this verse you thought let’s be fair.
So if you have a small little tiddler, take heed, you can always write verse
Have a go at something like this, you really can’t do any worse
We leave our poem on a lighter note, tiddlers of all sizes will always get my vote
From big ones to small they are all so different, cucumbers are like that, size is indifferent
To the taste and the flavour, from big to the small, once it’s in your mouth size matters not at all.
(My ditty to the three cucumbers in my fridge)