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How Dirty Are You?

Q. Which of these words are obscene to you?

1) Trumpet

2) Trombone

3) Waffle


Q. You are watching Blue Peter do you?

1) Cover yourself in Vaseline and roll in glitter.

2) Make yourself a boil in the bag rice dish and serve it by candlelight to yourself.

3) Fix a pully system to the roof and hoist yourself up by the ankles singing songs from Frozen.


Q. At a bus stop you notice an attractive person of the opposite sex, do you?

1) Break the ice and ask them how odd shoes get on top of bus stop roofs.

2) Break the ice and jump on their backs whilst shouting ‘Room for one more on top!’

3) Break the ice, strip naked and perform the balloon dance shouting ‘I’m Olaf, look at my snowballs!’


Q. If I said the word ‘Frumbler’ what would you think it meant?

1) One who has difficulty catching a ball.

2) One who frumbles their frumbler frequently.

3) It’s time to fasten myself to the bed and get sprayed with silly string whilst dressed up as Elsa from Frozen.


Q) Complete this popular movie ‘Fifty Shades Of …..’

1) Gurning

2) M&S Slippers

3) Oooooooooohh!!! My thrumble bits!


Q) You are on a romantic night out and everything is just perfect, do you?

1) Talk about the shunting possibilities of the Mallard versus the Flying Scotsman.

2) Break wind to blow out the candles.

3) Blow out the candles romantically and dress up as Bella, when you relight them shout ‘I’m Bella to your beast let’s dance with the candlesticks!’


Q) What does this photo mean to you?

1. Those shorts don’t go with that turkey.

2. Draw me like one of your french girls.

3. My desires are unconventional…show me.



Mostly 1’s – You are a damn dirty pervert, go take a cold shower and let’s have less filthy talk about shunting and trumpets you potty mouth. People like you should be stripped naked and spanked, vigorously, with a feather. Covered in blamange and with a rose betwix your cheeks. Oooooooooohh!

Mostly 2’s – You are borderline and prone to episodes of dirtiness that is unhealthy. Go stand in the corner and spank yourself with your slippers whilst rubbing your nose with a copy of the telephone directory you naughty person. Go on, do it, I command it.

Mostly 3’s – Thank god you’re normal, now go and get yourself dressed in your Disney princess dress and join me in a singalong as we perform Chim-Chim-Cher-ee along the rooftops. This Mary Poppins outfit is SO tight, come here, feel it. Oooooh, my what a big chimney sweep you are. Is that your brush or are you just pleased to see me?

How dirty are you? 1,2 or 3?


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