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Welcome to YOUR COMPUTOR 2014, the only magazine for computer enthusiasts with regular articles, tips, free software and our special in depth reviews and articles showing the future of technology. Let’s start off with our first review and a brand new release from Sinclair Computing, the ZX-81.

Designed to take on the latest iPad and Tablet computers the ZX-81 is a real enthusiasts computer pitched directly to compete for our Christmas stockings this year at a humbling £49.95 self assembly kit version, far undercutting Apples latest offer. The ZX-81 comes with a built in 1k of memory, enough to hold 1024 characters and large enough for most brief word processing requirements with the ability to expand to 16k in the future through the innovative RAM pack. It’s full sized touch sensitive keyboard is so cutting edge and space age it makes touch screen technology look shoddy by comparison. Even better it comes with no software whatsoever so you have a completely blank canvas to work with. All ready we are receiving home grown software absolutely free for this new machine and I’m sure it won’t be long before so called programmers come up with some killer apps, it’s already rumoured that a calculator is on the horizon and arcade games such as Breakout in glorious black and white graphics has been announced.

Fully portable along with its own storage unit (not supplied, a C90 cassette and tape player is required) it has full hack proof security by having no access to the internet making its competitors security arrangements look shoddy by comparison. The display can utilise any television built before 1989 and as these can now be picked up for less than £5 even the display is a bargain during these difficult times.

As part of our celebrations for the launch of the ZX-81 we have included absolutely free a computer program that will give you hours of entertainment allowing you to type literally anything in to your ZX-81 for it to be gloriously displayed in a scrolling display of delight.

SUPER SCROLLER

10 INKEY$=A$

20 PRINT A$ + ” “;

30 GOTO 20

Simply type in and then type RUN followed by return, experts may experiment with the code and remove the ‘;’ from line 20 to give a pleasing column scroll effect.

NEWS

Apple have announced the latest addition to their popular ‘i’ range, it’s called the iTosser, basically it’s an overpriced piece of kit that turns you into a tit. Shown above it comes with a pair of shades and a tendency to over act in photos like you are having a good time. The guitar attachment comes separately and it ambitiously priced at £349 in the UK and only available from Apple stores providing you have booked an appointment with an iPenis, the iTosser specialist.

Commodore has taken the world by storm and bought out the first computer pet, called the Pet it removes the need for a furry four legged companion with a penchant to soil the floor and replaced it with an expandable unit that purrs, barks and even bytes!

GAMES

As graphics technology gets better every year we are now reaching the pinnacle of its technology with a almost photo realistic game from the makers of Grand Theft Auto called ‘Modern Life’, a gritty game allowing you to experience real life outside your house in today’s world.

Our reviewer couldn’t get enough of this when he tried out the beta version. ‘The graphics are unbelievable, when it told me to get off my arse and leave the room I though I would wet my pants. As I left the room the graphics suddenly came alive, there was even a section where someone called ‘my mum’ asked me what I was doing out of my hole and isn’t it time you got yourself a job. Amazing 9/10 nearly as good as Zelda’

It was about then that I realised that I’m not an editor for a computer magazine or a geek addicted to online gaming, I’m a rabbit with a drinking problem.

Cool.

 

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