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Get Down Wid Da Queenie

2It always good of the Queen to take time away from her family on Christmas day to deliver a message to us all but I can’t help thinking that it may benefit from a little of today’s celebrity influence, a bit of street would help no end.

Anyway, she must have pulled some fantastic Christmas cracker to get a crown like that.

So with no expense spared have prepared a few alterations to the traditional message for her Maj which I’m sure she will fully enjoy.


“In this past year my family and I have been inspired by the courage and hope we have seen in so many ways in Britain, in the Commonwealth and around the world.”

“We’ve seen that it’s in hardship that we often find strength from our families; it’s in adversity that new friendships are sometimes formed; and it’s in a crisis that communities break down barriers and bind together to help one another.”


“Family is dope, wit courage and hope, bin cruisin’ the world in a big black jag, son shacked up with a nag faced hag.”

“On the streets they be hatin’, no longer a riot, let one be quiet. Queenies gonna require more than bein hard, dress in the right attire so ain’t no need fo’ a body guard. I listen to people but they ain’t listen back so I address the press by startin’ an attack”

“If it ain’t for the gin I wouldn’t sin, from my regal crib full of stacks of quid, all you players and ho’s, I rule, you don’t. Merry Christmas motherhookers, word out.”

QueenieSee, instant bling and the faces of a nation would light up with pride!
Not quite sure if it would come across as the same message though but she could even wear her best tiara to bling the broadcast up and arrive in a Hummer, getting out in slo-mo whilst large bottomed women slapped their behinds and scantily clad men thrust their hips in her direction. Prince Phillip could do all the ‘Yo, bitch’ stuff in between and the rest of the royals could form her crew. William and Harry could play pimps I suppose, bit stuck on where Camilla would come in but it would be something to do with horses.

I mean, Queenie didn’t do bad with that 007 Olympic stuff all those years ago so I can’t see why this would cause a problem. She could even extend it to grand openings you know, instead of cutting a ribbon or opening a small curtain she could pull up in a pink limousine and stride out dressed in full pimp attire complete with a peacock feather in her hat and a swan wrapped around her neck.

‘Yo, wat’s ‘appenin?’ she would yell. ‘All you bitches outta my way, Queenies got a job to do’

She could bitch slap instead of shaking hands and pronounce the place ‘sick’ before buggering off without saying goodbye.

Word out.


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