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Five Fungi Facts For Free

I just took this photo this morning after the damp weather has bought a bloom of toadstools to our area. A beautiful red colour mixed in with autumninal leaves makes for a lovely photographic subject but what do we really know about toadstools?

1) Toadstools are actual stools for toads. Late at night toads gather in their hundreds to sit atop and read the newspaper and in some cases smoke a pipe. Unfortunately it annoys the elves who live underneath and they have to use sharp objects to move the toads along especially when they get too rowdy.

2) The biggest toadstool in the world is the Whoppercanthius Mushbloomious. Standing over twenty feet tall it can only be found in the deepest dingly dell and you can smell it before you see it because it smells like kittens. It is said to be the mythical birthplace of all cats and can be identified by its white bonnet covered with red spots. Cats still react to any red spots with awe proving indeed this mysterious link.

3) Don’t eat the Bonnydoodah, it’s found in abundance under park benches and once eaten causes strange visions or at least that’s what the talking sheep is telling me to write. Although barking duck disagrees but then again he’s been at the wine and playing with the rainbow butt donkydonk again. Hmm, this sponge is uncomfortable, I wonder what colour are hiccups? Thinking about it they must be Burple so does that make farts Forange?

4) Mushrooms and toadstools can be found in many places. Forests, river banks and pies all contain mushrooms but if you want to cultivate your own here’s an easy method. Simply lay slices of bread along your lounge floor in a five by five square making sure you butter the centre one then finely grate cheese over them to a depth of 1cm. Sprinkle with milk and leave for two weeks. Viola, magically you will have created your own mushroom patch. Pick your own whilst watching television or simply pluck them every morning for part of your fry up.

5) Lots of mushrooms and toadstools are highly poisoness, some even give off toxic spores that once inhaled causes instant uncociousness and possibly cross dressing just like this one I have here.


Wow! This lipstick really matches my shoes, I just wish my bra strap wouldn’t dig in so much.


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