BEWARE – This is an artist, do not approach unless the artist is being handled in the correct manner. Artists are known to be extravagant, flamboyant and difficult, quite often they will fly into a fit of pique when struggling to find the correct green. Often drunk they are lonely creatures who allow their own personal demons to cloud their minds through long isolated hours spent in their studio. Warning signs that you may know or indeed be an artist are as follows :
You call anything blue, Cobalt or Ultramarine.
You squint a lot.
Your ego is always half empty.
You hoard glass jars because they might be useful for brushes.
You own sixty brushes and none of them do your hair.
You know how to strut into a gallery but tend to limp pathetically around Tesco’s looking permanently worried.
Clothes covered in paint that feel edgy and arty are often described by friends as ‘charity’
You know what paint tastes like.
As you can see, artists are dangerous and unstable and should be locked up. To show the perils of being an artist we have managed to capture one and will put it on display at several venues up and down the country. Be warned, our captured artist ‘Peter Smith’ is not pretty.
Should you wish to visit our captured artist and its handler Jayne Smith to maybe poke a stick through the cage you can find him at these locations this weekend. All are welcome and no invite is necessary but its advisable to wear protective clothing as artists can spontaneously go all creative without warning.
Saturday 5th October, 1-4pm, Castle Galleries, Leeds.
Sunday 6th October, 12-3pm, The Original Art Shop, Preston
Additional ear protectors and/or sick bags may be required to cope with the over flowery words used by our captured and untamed artist.