If any of you are thinking of visiting The Mystical Bongo Bizarre market today in search for some last minute Christmas presents you are in for a treat, not only do the have the invisible hats back in stock but also we see a return of the wishing gum, chewing gum that grants you three wishes, how cool is that!
Here are some of the other amazing things on offer to fill your stocking this Christmas.
Get the latest in kitchen equipment with Finger Master ™ the only finger grill in the world. Roasts chicken in seconds with a quick flick, snap your fingers to flambé, use two fingers to toast and a whole fist to barbecue, the choice is yours. One size fits all, optional flame guard and full fire proof suit available to avoid accidental infernos and troublesome flash fires. NB not for use indoors unless the room is decorated in fire retardant ceramic tiles and can withstand heat up to 1000 degrees. Stand well back when grilling, recommended distance is forty feet.
We now offer a rocket skate powered wheelbarrow delivery service on all our coal purchases. Why just put one piece of coal in a stocking when you can fill it to the brim? Imagine their little faces when they realise you have given them the gift of an open fire for Christmas the ungrateful little mares. When I was young I dreamed of owning a piece of coal, instead I got nuts, not this hokey rubbish like X-Bocks and Plystations. Give them a traditional Christmas, give em coal.
With the postal service being so expensive why not try our Festive Gift Cannon. For only £1 we will deliver any parcel of any size anywhere in the UK using our patented launch system. Impress friends when their festive parcel arrives speedily at 287mph through the lounge window and is safely caught in the remains of the Christmas tree that softened its landing. We have successfully launched everything from simple stuffed toys to goats filled with helium, although admittedly the goats are still in orbit most things arrive in one piece or pieces. One of our most popular services this time of year is to launch unwanted family members into the sea, along with inappropriate presents and gifts.
Meet Slapper(tm) our robotic marvel that is programmed to slap anyone with anything! It’s a miracle of slapping technology and will happily slap away until his batteries discharge. Comes with mains adapter for twenty four hour slapathons. Special Slapper attachments include padles, bats, cushions and even a two foot rubber banana called the dominator. Treat someone to a slap this Christmas, you know you want to!
Be the proud owner of a real trouser snake with our Python Pants(tm) imagine the look on their faces when you reach down the front of your trousers and pull out a monster! Comes in a variety of sizes and colours, simply pick the one you like an choose your snake size. From Adders to Anacondas we have a snake to suit all with our guarantee that our Python Pants will keep you warm and others jealous with envy as you wriggle down the street.
Don’t forget that today is the last day of the Bongo Bizarre and it will disappear in a poof of smoke sometime around 4:56pm. Have a great Christmas and don’t forget today’s magic words are ‘Fawning Frumbler’, use them twice in a conversation today for a special extra 10% off a Finger Master.