Go shopping? Then do it yourself at the checkout. Want to find out what’s in your bank account? Then do it yourself online. In our ever do it yourself world it’s about time that we had the…
DO IT YOURSELF MODERN DAY FAIRY TAILS
Once upon a time, in a land far away there was a (A) who was on their way to (B) when they came across a magic lamp. They picked the lamp up, it was awfully dusty but looked very, very unsual. It had a long spout, a small circular top and a ruby encrusted handle. It needed a dusting so a dusting they did when suddenly (C)! (D) appeared dressed as a genie.
‘I grant you one wish’ they said, ‘it’s a recession thing and don’t forget you can’t wish for more wishes, more magic lamps, genies or anything along those lines or I will be forced to make you live in the UK’
‘What is your wish oh master?’
The (A) considered carefully, finally sure of what they really, really wanted they wished for (E)
‘Your wish is my command!’ Said the genie and disappeared, but the genie was deaf and a little peculiar after watching Cash In The Attic repeats for the last ten years and instead of their wish they ended up (F)
Where they lived (G)
Choose one from each of these to complete your fairy tail.
(A) Ex Celebrity, Big Brother Contestant, X-Factor Contestant, Chav, Boy Band, Bieber, Celeb Chef, Nigella
(B) Tesco’s, The BBC’s Graham Norton Show, McDonalds, Back of the shopping centre, Mansfield, A friends house, Climb out of the closet, Climb into the closet, Stardom, Alcoholism, Obscurity
(C) Pow, Poof, Ping, Pang, Wakkawakka, Kerboom, Whoosh, Woof, Ni, Rambutanaladingdong, Rassssp
(D) Derek Batey from Mr & Mrs in the ’70’s, Simon Cowell, Les Dennis, Lady Gaga, Bagpuss, Will-I-Am, Jeremy Kyle, Nicki Minaj, A gigantic arse, Three singing nuns
(E) Straight teeth and not this set of pie crimpers, Mr Bieber to never make records, A sixty foot kitten to attack parliament and eat the entire cabinet, Chocolate to come in bars six foot long, Wine to flow from every tap in the UK, To have talent, A good nights sleep, To go through one day without encountering an idiot
(F) David Dickensons bitch, Cleaning Peter Stringfellows toilet, As a pair of XXXL underpants, Selling pencils on QVC, Arriving at work late because it was all a alcoholic dream, Being forced to watch every episode of ‘Take Me Out’ back to back forever, As Cilla Blacks handbag
(G) Miserably for ever, Happily glad that they didn’t end up on Loose Women, Slightly confused but happy that the genie had thoughtfully included a new pair of breasts, Totally shocked to learn that they had to spend every Summer season in Skegness, Strangely unmoved, Bloated and full of gas
We hope you enjoyed your very own fairy tale, for further options please press the red button now.
Don’t forget, if you are on Facebook you can copy and paste the fairy tail you made below in the comments for everyone to enjoy, you never know, if it’s good enough we may even publish it in our new book ‘Fairy Fails, Tall Tales That Talk Tosh’ available 2015.
N.B.by publish I mean we will just click LIKE