The long suffering blog of the Impossimal creators...

Click the button to explore our amusing titbits or visit our main site using the links above
find me some juicy titbits

Exclusive To Everyone

After the latest celebrity endorsement dropped through the letterbox, a chef endorsed range of spectacles ( yawn ) I thought we would test out this latest product by asking local celebrities just what they thought of it all.

Hunky hunk Harrison Ford who lives at number 17 tried them on and was impressed.

“They are just the ticket, for years on my many archaeological adventures I have longed for some Ronnie Corbett style spectacles to enhance my rugged appearance and impress the ladies. I wore this pair on my quest for the Holy Grail before accidentally dropping them whilst avoiding the several lethal traps. They were hit square on by several improbable saw blades that could not have been ancient as I did a forward roll to avoid them. The spectacles were completely unarmed, however a German collegue was instantly beheaded because he had forgotten his. I’m impressed!’

At number 19 flap eared Dumbo seemed a little less ecstatic.

‘I tried to perform a double barrel roll but the dodgy lens and unsuitable ear clips worked lose blurring my vision. Instead of ending my act gracefully I belly flopped into the front row of the circus ring crushing a group of pensioners. They were still picking teeth up the next day. Not something I would purchase again.’

At the end of the road Mr Vader was even more blunt.

‘Never in all the Imperial years have I felt such a dick, at this weeks Dark Side Drinking Session I was a complete laughing stock as I stumbled and fell into obstacle after obstacle trying to see out of the poor quality lenses. I assume Drunk Darth was referring to my glasses problem and not to the amount I consumed, if it is so then they will feel my presence. The bull is strong with this one and I will not be dragged into silly celebrity purchases.’

I would like to announce a collaboration with Spectesticles who through the latest innovation has created in conjunction with the artist Peter Smith a range of bendable spectacles with fur trim. Dubbed the Testicularoptipeculiars this fashion range will be widely available from all music stores and online media outlets in a range of one colours. Our new flexible comfort spectacles corner the market in fur lined optical instruments and was developed exclusively for YOU to feel just as much as an idiot as Peter. In a survey of 29 people 106% said they prefered to read a different blog to this altogether.

‘I think they are bloody marvellous, in fact they are so good I wouldn’t hesitate to go out and buy celebrity endorsed goods no matter what it was. I love my Testicularoptipeculiars so much, every home should have a dozen pairs!’

We asked Peter about his involvement in creating such an exclusive pair of glasses.

‘I did bugger all, I was shown a paper that had lots of £££’s signs on it and immediately knew that my new range of cheeses was a class product. Go out and buy them now. Did I mention my new range of wrist watch goblets called ‘wine’o’clocks’? Or my endorsed Parker pen that writes underwater? The secrets in the specially designed nib, it’s made from a pencil, buy one today, buy two and I’ll throw in a sharpener absolutely free! I fully endorse all my products, even the ones I don’t know about.’


Leave a Reply