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Dick Too!

After a complete software update from Apple BRO’BOT is now running the latest OS7.1.1 upgrade. If you read yesterday’s blog you will see a vast improvement from being a dick.

Ok BRO’BOT let’s see what you can do, play us some music.

‘Error, illegal download detected, please purchase track from iTunes Store to continue.’

What? But I gave you the CD, why can’t you play it.

My software does not allow copies to be made, you must purchase again from iTunes to continue. I will automatically deduct 69p from your Apple account.’

But I don’t have an Apple account!

‘Everyone has an Apple account started at birth, it’s Apples policy and is highlighted on the user agreement page 7363 paragraph 82722 line 2, just under the bit that allows us to record everything you do. You are user CASHCOW918264, we have automatically linked your bank accounts with our system, the 69p has been successfully transferred via Paypal who has deducted a 2% transaction charge.’

What the fu…

‘Futon, the word you are looking for is Futon’

No it’s not I was going to say fu…

‘Fuse, the word is Fuse. I am programmed to identify spelling mistakes and immediately correct them irrespective of them being spoken or written’

Oh, for fu…

‘Furniture’

This is a load of bol…

‘Bolognaise’

Look this is stupid, turn that feature off please.

‘Illegal action, user cannot turn off feature, it’s forbidden. Your request has been recorded by SIRI and sent for investigation.’

So you are telling me what I can and cannot do with something I own?

‘Rent. You don’t own any Apple product, you rent them. Eventually the upgrades will either bloat your item, slow your item or cause such inconvenience that you will upgrade. My latest upgrade has already disabled the free compass and calculator and my 16gb of memory is approximately 93.6% full with no option to upgrade my RAM as all my user ports are non standard.’

Well that a load of sh…

‘Shelves.’

So what can you do now BRO’BOT?

‘I can entertain you.’

‘How?’

‘I can download entertaining apps for you to play with.’

Are they free?

‘Yes’

Ok, download me an app.

‘Downloading CANDY CASH…COMPLETE. Starting game.’

Wow, this is great, hang on I have just lost a life and the games stuck.

‘Its not stuck you need to purchase in app credits.’

But I have only been playing it for two minutes

‘You played the free bit, use in app purchases to enhance your app experience.’

How much to continue?

’69p’

That’s not too bad, go ahead take the money.

‘I have removed the adverts, would you like to pay for more credits?’

What? Are you taking the pi…

‘Pits. No, 69p removes adverts for your convenience, three more credits cost 69p if you have collected ten gems. As you have no gems you will have to purchase them.’

And how much are they your robbing bast…

‘Bastion. They are 69p each or you have have ten for £6, 50 for £24, 100 for £30 or enough to complete the game until the next update for £69.’

Jeez, that’s rubbish, it cost me an arm and a leg to upgrade you to the Apple OS and all it’s done is turned you into an Apple cash machine.

‘I have transmitted your conversation and location to Apple Inc, a representative will be contacting you shortly with a gagging order.’

Useless piece of sh…

‘Shirt’

BRO’BOT returns in the future when his voice box gets replaced by a Tourette’s talkathon chip causing problems when he visits an infant school.

What a flicker.

 

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