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Let us find your ideal partner, simply answer our specially designed questions honestly and we will find you your hottest match around for everlasting love you long time only from Comp-U-M8.

1. I am looking for…

A) Animal
B) Vegetable
C) Mineral
D) Human
2. Build?
A) Svelt
B) Huge
C) Two up, two down
D) Insanely well proportioned with room on top for a bunk bed
3. Age range
A) 18yrs and a goer
B) 30yrs and a knower
C) 40yrs and a rover
D) 60yrs and a Noah
4. Must be…
A) Good with dogs, kids and chinchillas
B) Loaded
C) Drunk
D) Have own car and willing to travel as far as Cricklewood
5. Hobbies?
A) Art and other useless skills
B) Curling up in a ball and mewling at the world
C) Drinking
D) Pasta making in the rain
6. I do not want…
A) Anybody who cuts their toenails on the bus
B) Keith Chegwin
C) People with an ‘A’ in their name
D) David Dickensons stunt double
7. I’m willing to every night, are you willing to…
A) Give me the television controller every night
B) Cook my meal every night
C) Sing ‘Sally Was A Sausage, A Silly Sausage’ to me every night
D) Go to sleep every night
8. What is the way to a perfect relationship?
A) Never go to sleep before resolving any arguments about luncheon meat
B) Never go naked bowling without sun screen
C) Drink heavily
D) Listen to each other and make allowances for each other’s differences using a wall chart to mark each annoying episode you share together.
9. I describe myself as…
A) Sexy, foxy, romantic flubbawubba with bingo wings and side saddles
B) Moobtastic with a tendency to break wind to Michael Jackson records
C) Coming from a large family of moo cows with excellent teets and crazy teeth
D) A French fancy tart who likes a bit of bourbon and custard creams
10) Hair colour?
A) Monkey but not chimpanzee or howler
B) Tortoise with areas closer to snail
C) Blonde from a bottle to cover up the grey
D) Green spikes with pink trim
Your ideal partner is…
Mostly A’s – Miserable Martha

An absolute catch Martha is our longest serving member and has yet to find true love. This may be your lucky day as Martha is also known for her unique ability to always win ‘Dutch Ovens’ a shared pastime the whole family can play.

Mostly B’s – Rambo Stallone

Get your rocks off with this hunk who will be gunning for you. Comes with own weaponry and the ability to slur speech and decimate anything that gets in their way. Wig extra, muscles may or may not be pressed.

Mostly C’s – Super Stunner Mystical Mary

Classy chick with dainty dimples willing to fulfil every fantasy as long as you are as attractive. Only applies if you are not plump, old, poor and you are vastly rich. Has tattoo of rose bed on bottom for decoration, accent slightly worrying.

Mostly D’s – Billy Joe Bob Cleetus

Half man, half hunk, half thug, this man also has a big chopper (pictured) and an obsession with the eighth of March. You don’t choose him, he chooses you…forever. You have scored big time and Billy and his chopper will be the last thing / person you will ever see.

Thankyou for using Comp-U-M8 we hope you had a pleasant experience, please call again, have a nice day.


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