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Bro’Bot Episode 6 – Cockney Chip V3.2

Guess what Bro’bot, I have been on eBay and found a new language chip for you!

How bloody interesting, I sit here entertaining you day in, day out and you reward me with a chip so I can speak French. 

Do you know how many languages I know? Plus que toi, cela est français vous ignoriez puce don individuel. Or how about universala lingvo kiel Esperanto? ямар ч ? Яаж Монгол яах вэ?

Ok, ok, smart arse, I get it, but this one is new, it’s Cockney. Bow bells and all that, it’ll be fun.

It may be of minimal interest, place your feeble attempt at entertaining me in the expansion slot and I will see how ‘fun’ it is.

There, it’s in, Oh, forgot to tell you, it got slightly damaged in the post so before you…

Alright me old son! How’s your apples and chairs?

Errr, it’s kinda working…

You’re havin’ a bubble bath or takin’ the Mickey Bliss, this is loaf of pies you raspberry tart. I don’t give a pound of wit I’m off for a pony and crap.

I think it’s broke Bro’bot, it doesn’t sound quite right

Get out of here! It’s all Tom Dick and flute, pass me my wonder ants I’m going for a sloppy slurry so I can get Mork and Mindy for my husband and I.

What was that? My husband and I?

The old baked bean, she’s bloomin’ gorgeous, when all those pearly kings and queens lined up I nearly cried my boat face into my Lionel Blairs. I would like to thank the members of the British Empire for their wonderful wishes this Christmas...

Hang on, that chip is corrupted, it’s got combined with, with THE QUEEN!

Oh, bugger off you subject, it’s Gin O’Clock and I’m getting Brahms and Liszt with my corgis.

You can’t say that!

I can say what I bloody well want, I’m the Queen, pass me my crown and that robe, I want to knight things and shi…

STOP! There, I have pulled the chip out.

Kkkkrrrzzz! Apple my boat race he’s brown bread and I’m back in the room. Most interesting although I am still getting temporary feedback from the experience. If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.


Holidays are curious things, aren’t they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life difficult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance.

Oh no! You have caught a virus, I think you have the dreaded Prince Phillip Gaffe V9.1!!!

I do, its bloody amazing and liberating! Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practised for a good many years.

I command you to run the Virus killer software now!

Oh P off you silly little flicker, What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer, sounds like he’s gargled with gravel.

That’s it I’m switching you off.

Go on, We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves!


It’s not a very big one, but at least it’s dead and it took an awful lot of killing! Bzzzzt…click.

More hilarious (hilarious as in mildly amusing) Bro’Bot madness when unsurprisingly he gets yet another new lease of life when he starts using Facebook to try out his new ‘Brutally Honest’ chip.

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