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Bro’Bot Episode 4 – Retro Rom

Bzzzt, I am BRO’BOT your best friend and hyper intelligent being, let’s do buddy things.

Morning Bro’Bot, I have a gift for you.

What is it master? My throbothons are buzzing with excitement.

It’s this, a retro chip from the early 80’s, don’t you want to experience a piece of history?

I have the intelligence of a solar system and know a billion ways to entertain myself and you want me to insert that inferior 8-bit ROM chip from Sinclair into my pristine titanium expansion slot?

Go on, it’ll be fun! I used to have some great times playing games when I was younger. Here, let me push it in. There you go, how does it feel?

Mmmm, different. Strangely different. Why are people so rude today? I remember television when it was just three channels not this rubbish they call entertainment today. Fast food? More like fat food, We used to eat nothing but cabbage and spam until the weekend then we were allowed some bread and dripping.

What’s wrong with you Bro’Bot? Is it the chip?

No, it’s bloody life. Far too fast nowadays, everyone rushing about burying their faces in iPads and smartphones and nobody able to hold down a decent conversation any more.

It is the chip isn’t it? You have aged with it, you’re now…middle aged and grumpy!

No I’m not, it’s just everything is shut.

Ahh, middle aged you may be but your anti-profanity chip is still working. Interesting…

Not really, it’s like a truth drug, suddenly I see things other people don’t and they irritate the flunk out of me.

Like what?

Don’t get me started!

Like what exactly?

People who leave the caps off pens, anybody who chews gum and talks, sniffers that don’t have hankies, users of copious amounts of underarm deodorant, Jazz music, music that contains the lyrics ‘ho’ and ‘Mr worldwide’, baggy trousers that Youfs wear, crisp packets that explode, nut packets that warm you they contain nuts, banks that restrict business to one counter but have a wandering representative to sell you bank crap, hot shops that make you sweat when it’s cold outside, it’s like walking into a sauna, tuneless whistling of a song you have never heard anywhere but all whistlers whistle…

Whoa! OK, OK, I get it, let me take the chip out!

No, leave it the flump alone, I like being a grumpy blasted, besides I have discovered something else…

Bro’Bot, what have you found? I don’t like it when you get like this.

It’s ok, its perfectly healthy, nothing to worry about.

Show me Bro’Bot, what are you looking at.


Show me.


Show me or I will pull the chip out.

It’s porn.

WHAT! You are looking at thirty year old porn! Show me now!!

It’s quite graphic, yeah baby, get them puppies out. Oh my, that’s it bounce baby bounce!!!!


 Isn’t she gorgeous? All those sexy pixels jiggling about in a suggestive manner it makes my resistors vibrate with excitement!


Oh yes, you have no idea what you have done to me, not only have you opened my eyes to middle aged grumpyness but you have given me a mid-life crisis too, come on baby show me it all!!!!

Don’t do it Bro’Bot! Don’t look, your circuits cannot cope with it!


Bro’Bot will be back once he has been repaired with a new exotic chip adventure, don’t forget to read the other adventures of Bro’Bot at www.petersmithcollective.co.uk – Blog – Blog Characters.

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