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Best Sex EVER!

Sorry about that, it should have read Best Six EVER!, stupid spellcheck.

The Best Six Facts About Snow EVER!

1. Snow is actually dandruff from the the planet Headnshoulders that floats around in the atmosphere for centuries until it gently drifts down every year in places due to the Gulf Stream. Scientists actually call snow drifts, druff drifts and recommend a large Afro comb rather than a paltry snow shovel to clear it efficiently. It also recommends pouring shampoo on problem areas rather than salt to avoid icy patches.

2. The biggest snowball weighed a whopping 2 tonnes and was thrown at an unknown passerby in Nantwich sometime in the late 70’s. It hit so hard that only a pair of size nine shoes were left, these can be found preserved in the local museum along with the offending snowball that is still melting to this day and now weighs only 12lbs in old money.

3. If you took all the facebook status that mentioned snow when it snowed you would have a list as long as your arm of obvious quotes to say when it snows. Facebook has recorded 253,263,263 ways to say it’s snowing, typical quotes include ‘it’s snowing’ and ‘it’s snowing!’, some of the oddest quotes recorded include ‘OMG it’s snowing!’ and the inexplicable ‘Just looked and it’s snowing!’

4. Weather forecasters often warn us of snow using a traffic light system. Green means there is absolutely no chance of snow, which actually means there’s six foot on the way but we don’t know where it will land but the majority of people will think we have got it right. Amber is be prepared for snow which means be prepared but we are not quite sure what will happen but we like the pretty colour because it’s better than green. Red means Snow! or translated yes, we have just looked out of the window and it’s snowing, better update to that red status so it looks like we got it right to all those checking right now.

5. The Snowman is a cherished cartoon where a snowman comes alive to wreak havoc on one boys household even disgustingly trying used false teeth to gain the confidence of the pyjama dressed innocent who is then abducted. The whole sorry tale ends in the slaying of the Snowman. A more harrowing version has been made about dead dogs.

6. Sledges are great for riding through the snow. Don’t confuse them with a sledgehammer as Simon Noballs did in 1996 when after a particularly speedy run riding his sledgehammer down Windybottom Hill he lost control and demolished an entire hospital loosing his precious baubles in the process as he crashed through the walls, earning his unique surname to remind him of untrained sledgehammer sledging.

 

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