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Auntie Skippy

Dear Skippy,

My husband and I have been married for ten years but he still refuses to eat any meal I cook for him. I have tried everything from trifle and chips to his supposed favourite barbecued cabbage. All he seems to want to eat is odd food like pizza or spaghetti bolognaise, can you help?

Mrs E.Normous, Gwent

Skippy says, ttk,ttk-ttk,ttk ttk ttk ttk,ttk,ttk,ttk ttk t. (Help, I’m trapped down a well in Woolgonga!)

Dear Skippy,

Last night I looked through my wife’s underwear drawer and found that I rather liked it, so much so that I started to wear her stockings and suspenders and strutted around the room in her high heels. Does this mean I’m a vegetarian?

Mr T.Rendy, Wick

Skippy says, ttk,ttk,ttk,ttttttttkkkktktktktktkttktk,ttk,ttk-ttk-ttk,tut. (Help, we are down to our last case of lager, bring supplies!)

Dear Skippy,

I write a blog most days about random things, does this mean that I am incredibly interesting or is it just all for attention?

I.Possimal, Arse-end

Skippy says, ttk. (Tosser)

Dear Skippy,

I find that when I listen to Polka music I have an unnatural urge to say the word ‘plunge’, likewise when I hear the foxtrot I feel the need to shout ‘futtock’. Country and western music however causes me to place a cushion between my legs and gallop around the room, the question is should I buy a dog?

T.Ing-a-ling, Crotchet

Skippy says, ttk,ttk,ttk ttk,ttk,ttk,ttk,ttttktktktktktktktyttktktkykktkk. (Help! I’m stuck in the bush with nothing but a plastic banana, two spoons and a large antelope after riding a gnarly wave from Bondage Beach on my bonza surfboard. I’m also rather worried about Derek, he was riding the wave on a pedalo and the last I saw of him was when he sailed through the sky peddling like mad shouting ‘ripper dude!’, he crashed shortly after in a pile of plastic and pedals.’

Dear Skippy,

I’m trapped in a hole with two rampant koalas just outside Mwoolagong, send help!

R.Sole, Bottom Bay

Skippy says, ttk,ttk,tktktktktktt,ttttktktktktktktktyttktktkykktkk,ttttktktktktktktktyttktktkykktkk,ttk. (Tough titties!)

Tomorrow Rod Hull and Emus etiquette guide in a special pull out edition!


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