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Are You A Fluffer?

Don’t laugh, I wear socks.

OK, I know that most people wear socks so maybe I was a bit premature, so don’t laugh, I wear bed socks.

You can stop laughing now.

It keeps my tootsies warm during these winter months and the funny thing is I don’t wear anything else.

Scrub that, far too much information.

Bed socks are warm comforting articles of bedtime clothing that allow me to remain warm in bed or should I require a midnight visit to the little boys room they protect my delicate svelte feet from the rigours of the cold bedroom floor (carpet). So imagine my joy when I received a new pair of M&S bed socks for Christmas, my joy doubled when I realised they were luxurious bed socks and I positively exploded when I realised there were two pairs. Oh joy of joy! How lucky am I?

Whiz on to bedtime. Imagine me delicately removing the packaging, skilfully unrolling the first one and slowly, very slowly sliding my foot inside. Ahhhh….

Now think about all the lovely warm dreams I had of my feet being warmed by a hot oven as unicorns danced over clouds, cat’s played guitars and sausages exploded in unison over Mount Everest. Now think about why I would divulge that much dream information.

Now furrow your brow.

Now explode!

Just like I did when I found this…


Half a hundred weight of sock fluff scattered liberally throughout the bed, absolute tons of it that had travelled everywhere. There was either a large amount of it or I had decided to walk the entire bedroom in my sleep. The mattress was covered, the bed sheets were covered, even my bloody pillow was covered and I don’t remember walking on my own head in the night. It’s a bugger to remove too as I found out hoovering nakedly after I absent mindedly in my apoplexy fetched the hoover before I fetched my clothes.

Really, that’s the blog for today, a large complaint about fluff remaining in socks. I know, I know, how boring but I know for a fact all this fluff should have been removed at the factory ( I speak from experience, I once knew a professional sock fluff remover) and not by me using my dyson whilst dressed a shade of naked.

Have you had excessive fluffage? Are you a fluffer?

If so I have started a website and helpline for sufferers of this particular corner of modern hell. Should you be suffocating from excessive sock fluff then contact us directly at www.socksuffererssucksocks.co.uk/fluff/n/stuff/nipple.jpg or phone our simple to remember 24hr hotline on (01010101010) 18127812-1213123213-121391

Together we can SOCK it to them!

(See what I did there?)

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