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Apoc-A-Clipse

Tomorrow is the eclipse, made popular by its older cousin ‘night’ when daylight will become night light in the day. I hope you are keeping up as this blog is terribly important and may save your eyesight.
Firstly how to identify an eclipse.
Stage one, look at it and compare it to our handy chart.

 No, this is not an eclipse, this is a paperclipse and cannot block out the sun but can be used to clean out ear holes if you are the unwholesome type that does this at work. Additional usage for paperclipse include attaching paper memos to toilet rolls and occasionally holding together shoe laces for a trendy ‘no tie’ Back To The Future look.

  No, this is not an eclipse, this is a bicycle clipse, used to hold up bicycles for storage. Can also be used as a makeshift horseshoe, simply attach them to the bottom of any footwear and canter away to your hearts content whilst humming the tune to Black Beauty.

  No, this is not an eclipse, this is a hair clipse, often used to hold up hair that has suffered a hairpocalypse at the hands of a poor hairdresser. Also makes excellent nasal hair holders when sculpting into shapes.

  No, this is not an eclipse, this is a calypso renamed calippo after several incidents involving partygoers expecting more dancing and possibly music when turning up to a calypso party at an ice lolly company. Eating does not make you dance extravagantly but the empty tube can be used as a makeshift trombone.

 If it’s dark outside it’s the eclipse.

Or possibly it’s night time.

Or you are indoors in a room with no windows and the lightbulb has just gone.

The picture above ‘simulates’ an eclipse, to simulate and eclipse in your own home in complete safety simply shut your eyes now.

Dusty Bin and Ted Rogers (Ted is on the right next to Dusty dressed in a blue Butlins jacket)

I’ll do it with you, open them again when you hear me type 3,2,1 just like Ted Rogers on that game show with dusty bin.

Shutting my eyes…now!

Myam ashd ja awbauia bna asd! Kajkasbdh qwnmqw ainbaw awn w iwqoima apo heavbadsd.

76…

34…

…1

Open your eyes! Remember not to type with eyes closed.

Remember never, ever look directly at the sun, it’s full of ridiculous stories to make your blood boil and it has tits on page three.

To avoid damage to your eyes always wear the correct eye gear to view in safety.

Sun-B-Gone is our patented eye wear for solar spectaculars! Dual Zeinithithy lenses magnify the suns brightness by X100 and our comfort chin strap and sausage grip ear levers guarantee comfort. See Graham in the photo above, his Sun-B-Gone’s have not only given him an excellent view of the eclipse but also buffed up his body into a bronzed spectacular with bullet hard nipples. Buy one and get the man of your dreams delivered absolutely free from our sister company Mr Greys-2-Go part of the Greys-A-Go-Go Group of companies.

Yours for only £99!

(first payment of £99 guarantees your Sun-B-Gone reservation, 1,293 further monthly payments of £99 secure the services of our Mr Greys, should your Mr Grey become worn out or experience a flat during this period simply return him for a free upgrade. Choose from over fifty Mr Greys in our showrooms, from the rampant to dominant, from the buff to eye fluff the choice is yours. Non refundable, all Mr Greys come with minimal clothing)

Enjoy your Eclipse wherever you are and don’t forget there’s a repeat performance every night so you can experience the thrill of it getting dark time and time again!

Todays blog has been bought to you by the Eclipse Marketing Board, Hull.

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