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PIRATE BIRDS EXIST DECLARES BOFFIN
To you and me the noise birds make may sound pleasant but a top boffin at the university of Oxbridgeshire has revealed that bird talk, or tweets, are actually a new form of file sharing piracy. After listening to a ZX-Spectrum loading from tape boffin Alf noticed a similar noise was made by birds, so using a portable tape deck he recorded the noises and played them back into the ZX-Spectrum, the results were astounding as Justin Biebers ‘Girlfriend’ beeped out of the speaker. After recording numerous other birds and ‘LOADING’ them into the ancient computer he soon had a collection of pop hits and apps that that would grace any iPod today.
Fears in the entertainment industry that a new airborne Netflix, dubbed Megatweetupload is about to turn the industry on its head has caused widespread panic, especially after boffin Alf recorded the sounds of a Song Thrush only to find he had downloaded the Blu-ray version of the yet unreleased seventh Star Wars film.
Lady Gaga was in the news again this week after becoming a full time pirate with plans to set sail later this year and terrorise ships around the Cape of Good Hope. Quoted as saying ‘Ooh Ahh, my beauties, I be after your booty’ the singer was unavailable for comment as she was receiving parrot balancing lessons.
Plans for the pirate ship ride at Blackpool pleasure beach to be changed to a train have received the go ahead today only days after the tragic accident that saw the boat come loose and hurl itself into a crowd of candy floss eaters causing one bystander to receive medical treatment after candy floss became terrifyingly tangled in their hair.
The train will be hauled into place later this week with additional carriages added later depending on popularity. Ticket prices will be increased in line with inflation and season tickets will be available for train swing commuters. A buffet car will be added in high season.
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