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Somewhere out in Alibaabaa land is the Mystical Can Of Pledges, a magical can that once pressed cleans wooden furniture leaving a pleasant aroma and causes the genie of the can to appear to the lucky holder every three presses, a genie of extraordinary powers and troublesome hearing problems.

Arthur Crimblecock was down on his luck, not only had he lost a fortune betting on snail racing but he had also invested his last £2 on a secondhand table that he though may be a Chippendale, the fabled old master of furniture making. If it proved genuine it would be worth thousands. Taking the can of pledge from under the kitchen sink he sprays the top of the table.


Suddenly a two foot slipper footed glove wearing genie of the Pledge Can appears.

“Welcome, I am the genie of the Pledge Can and you the holder are my master and I grant you three wishes, I’m also hard of hearing so you will have to shout up a little. What is your first wish my new master?”

“Well I never!” Exclaimed Arthur, “Are you really a genie?”

“A girly meanie? Oh no, I’m not a girl or a meanie, I’m a genie silly. What can I do for you oh master?”

“I have three wishes you say?”

“Wash the dishes, ok? It’s unsual and a bit of a waste but here goes, shazam, the dishes are washed. You have two wishes left.”

“You’re joking!”

“I’m not choking at all, in fact I can breathe quite easily. You are confusing, speak clearly it sounds like you’re mumbling.”

“I wish I hadn’t wished for the first wish and had all my wishes back!”

“Wow, that’s different. It is done.”

“It’s done? You have undone the first wish?”

“Yes, you have one wish left.”

“Woah! I asked for all my wished back!”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes I bloody well did!”

“Let me check…ahh, my bad.”

“What is it?”

“You mumbled.”


“You said I wish I hadn’t washed the first dish and had all my dishes back. You meant wishes didn’t you?”

“I said bloody wishes not dishes you clown!”

“Is that a wish?”

“Is what a wish?”

“To study fishes not dishes?”

“Oh god, this is a nightmare, listen carefully please!’

“Is that a wish?”


“A light chair, glistening Caerphilly cheese? Sounds more like a shopping list to me. Not quite sure how to make cheese glisten though.”

“Stop, stop now! I have one more wish please don’t muck it up! Are you ready?”

“I’m all ears.”

Loads of money, a expensive cottage in the country and a class Lamborghini.

“Your wish is granted.”

“Well, where is everything?”

“It’s outside. Next to the sausage.”

“What sausage?

“The offensive one just as you wished for.”

“What have you done!”

“As you wished master; loafs, monkeys, an offensive sausage and a glass of Limbrini. I didn’t know what type of loaves or monkeys so you got crusty white and Pygmy marmosettes. I believe my job here is done.”


“Say, did you hear that mouse fart just then?”

‘Sod off genie!”

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